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Care and feeding of Muckety-Mucks
In a rout either way, run the damn play
Malamute, 8 March 2008
All of the donors to the UW
athletics program described by a recent article appearing in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer are successful businessmen.
Hence, an unusual thought
comes to mind: Maybe, the UW should run its football
program like a big business and treat its clients like paying customers and
stock holders, i.e., like something of value.
First let me say that UW
boosters are well aware of the NCAA restrictions placed on “representatives
of the institution’s athletics interests.” A common goal with them is to see
that the athletics programs fly high and dry and not crash and burn.
With Dawg Days in the
Desert on hand (March 10th and 11th), here are some suggestions aimed at the
wining, dining and caring of the muckety-mucks and, er hum, their egos.
Appealing to the state
legislature for stadium funding is a waste of time. We don’t need any
pawky politicos playing political football with our venerable stadium.
The Huskies need to think Microsoft Stadium, and tap into a local lode
of gold, starting with a five-letter name for logic circuits. Better
yet, secure the stadium’s crumbling financial support to two suspension
bridges, both built like the one they have in San Francisco -- that is, two golden
"Gates," one supporting the north side and the other securing the south.
Coach Willingham needs
to be made more available to the media, especially to the P-I which,
upon losing the services of fair-minded columnist Ted Miller, needs to
cotton up to the Huskies to avoid the perception of being anti-Husky.
The P-I has a soft belly, so cash in on the situation. I've already got
the Go 2 Guy on the run.
UW bigwigs need to
accept the notion that allowing fans, donors and boosters more access to
the athletics programs is a good thing, instead of a perilous act of
Open up practices to
the media and fans, with some exceptions made during a game week. At
open practices, make it clear that the big-bucks' donors have more
privileges than the small-change givers. To get to a coach on the
sidelines, for instance, allow a fatcat to wade through a thud tempo if
he's into the Pamplona scene. Alas, money buys
privilege. This will drive the purveyors of class-warfare issues
Allow boosters and fans
to stay at the team hotel on road trips. Familial chores make for good
The coach's incentive
plan needs to be tied to fund raising if it isn't now. Tie up Ty,
lest he be hanged in effigy.
The school president,
the athletics director, and especially the head football coach need to
mingle with the supporters of its athletic interests at UW sponsored
events and functions. For example, a coach giving a talk at such an
event needs to stick around for awhile, rather than bolt for the nearest
exit after his jabberwocky. A coach speaking at a function needs to
mingle with the high-rollers at the cocktail hour, and, yes, they will
mingle back. A frightening thought, isn’t it?
Junk the wooden faces, smile at the
alums and think Gatorade.
And for pity’s sake,
coaches, don’t drink alone at a bar, a la Gilby at Berkeley.
In a rout
either way, run the damn play.
boosters to fraternize with coaches, such as encouraging more golf
outings and allowing them to mingle with coaches at and after practice.
Yes, and accept their X’s and O’s graciously. “Hey coach, do I have a
play for you!”
The coaches need to
provide the insiders with some harmless tidbits of gossip and info to take
to the Internet. Make a high roller feel like a pit boss, an inside guy.
This is the 21st
century, dudes! Wakeup and think google, you yahoos. No more Internet
half-brain stuff out of the AD’s mouth. Blog but don't flog. Think subservience
remember that the customer is always right.
Allow for season
tickets donated back to the university to be deducted on
income tax returns. This is a general category called "stop robbing
Peter to pay Paul."
Here are some of my
The AD needs to schedule
more OOC patsies like Ohio State does, a school the BCS system continually
rewards because of its won/lost record. The Pac-10 schedule is tough enough.
Either be a patsy or else schedule patsies. A winning record sells
both PSAs and seats.
Come up with an economical
repair plan for Husky Stadium this year or move to Qwest Field. This notion
can be expressed more mundanely, without italics. *
Days in the Desert
Forecast for Indian Wells
and the other desert locations: 84 degrees and sunny on March 10th and 11th.
Mal's homilies in italics. ;-)
Malamute can be reached at