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Dancin' on the Dubya
By: Casey Anderson, Posted 31 October 2003

More disgusting than Gary Payton in a Lakers jersey, more befuddling than the Seahawks in first place, more irritating than the Cougs ranked sixth in the nation…it’s your Washington Huskies.  For the second year in a row, the Dawgs’ only salvation is the Slick Rick contrived “Northwest Championship”, which, while it admittedly had its charm in A.D. (After Dawgfather) 2002, is getting old faster than last week’s turkey pot pie in the grandma’s Fridgidaire.  But in trying times such as these, Husky fans, we must not lose hope.  Please, follow along with me now in your James Version of the Husky Bible, Don verse 57-33-5, which reads, “Thou shalt not lose to the Ducks.”

 

Lame Ducks from Eugene to Springfield (the Eugenian equivalent of, say, Everett) know that Jason Fife’s and/or Kellen Clemens’s leading receiver in Saturday’s game could be Derrick Johnson or just as easily as Samie Parker.  As erratic as the Pickett-led Dawgs have been this year, look no further than 5 hours and 45 minutes down I-5 to bear witness to an equally Jeckyl/Hyde-type squad.  After hanging on for an impressive victory over Big Ten powerhouse Michigan, the Ducks pulled their best Wazzu imitation by Couging-It against the Cougs themselves, 55-16.  Then, after a 45-point shellacking in Tempe at the hands of a mediocre ASU team, the lightning yellow-clad, web-footed evildoers turn around and stomp Stanford’s smart kids, 35-0.  In the meantime, the Dawgs have left the big-O sporting Duck fans to ponder the schizophrenic Huskies’ pathetic excuse of a game versus the mighty Wolfpack and subsequent drubbing of the not-so-civil Beavs in Eugene’s scenic sister city of Corvallis. 

 

What, O Husky Faithful, does this add up to?  Well, the Dawgs have the Ducks beat in pass offense and pass defense…but the Ducks have the advantage in rushing offense and rushing defense.  However, while the Ducks may have a better rush defense than the Huskies, the Husky rushing defense has performed fairly well this year.  And, while the Ducks may have one of the worst pass defenses in the Pac-10, the Dawgs’ play in the defensive backfield, especially at the safety position, hasn’t exactly brought back memories of Lawyer Milloy.  The Dawgs will most likely be without starters Rich Alexis and Charles Frederick, while the Ducks will be missing their best defensive back in Steven Moore.  According to those-that-knows in the deserts of Nevada, the Dawgs are going eek out the win by 1½.  Given the apparent stalemate in terms of the quality of these two teams, it must be concluded that cozy confines of Husky Stadium are worth a point and a half.  Sounds kosher to this Dawgfan.  The Dawgs aren't going to Pasadena this year, and may struggle to even play in a bowl game at all (my how the times have changed), but this Saturday those things don't matter.  What does matter is that the only people dancin' on The Dubya in the Dawghouse are wearing gold helmets.

Casey Anderson can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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