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10 Reasons You Should Really Dislike the UCLA Bruins
By Casey Anderson, Posted 16 September 2004

Hate is a strong word.  I refuse to throw the word "hate" around lightly.  Football is only a game, after all.  This is why I reserve the word "hate" for only the Cougars and Ducks.  However, I've always wondered why there seems to be very little animosity towards the UCLA Bruins from Husky fans.  For whatever reason, the UCLA Bruins don't seem to stir up much passion from the hearts and minds of the Montlake faithful.  Now, I'm not talking about throw-a-chair-at-a-Bruin-fan's-girlfriend nose-breaking type animosity.  There's no place for that in organized sports (unless you consider the WWE a sport -- I don't).  But, all disclaimers aside, I'd have to say that UCLA ought to be right up there on any discriminating Husky fan's Dawg-doo-list.  Here’s why:

1.  The Bruins Lead the Series 33-28-2.  In 1996, the series was tied at 27-27-2.  Since then, the Bruins have opened a family-sized can of whoopin' on the Dawgs, going 6-1 in the last 7 games.  This aggression will not stand, man.

2.  The Wrong Sport.  The only other Pac-10 school with a winning record versus the Huskies is, of course, the USC Trojans.  USC has been to the Rose Bowl nearly 30 times, has 4 AP and a couple of Coach's Poll National Championships, and is one of the most successful and dominant programs in college football history.  UCLA, on the other hand, has 11 men's national titles...in basketball.  They're a basketball school!  No basketball school should have a winning record against the Dawgs!  What’s next, are we going to let the Indiana Hoosiers beat us now?!  (Couldn't resist the Duck potshot, sorry…no I’m not.)

3.  Powder Blue Uniforms.  There is positively nothing more namby-pamby in all of football than UCLA's uniforms.  Sure, Oregon’s are uglier, and the Miami Dolphins are pretty weak, but the Bruins look like they should be figure skating.  Actually, I bet they don't even call them uniforms; they probably refer to them as "outfits".  Their cheerleaders do look nice in them, however. 

4.  Last Year's Second Half Debacle.  Forget history.  Look at the last time the Huskies and Bruins met.  The Dawgs gave up a Husky record 39 second-half points to the Powder Blue Boys.  I don’t want to write anything more about this.  I might vomit.

5.  DeShaun Foster.  This soon-to-be-appearing-on-the-back-of-a-milk-carton tailback went crazy in the 2001 meeting, rushing for 301 yards against the then defending Rose Bowl Champion Huskies.  Foster ran around, through, and over a Dawg D that made him look like a shoe-in for the Heisman Trophy.  In 3 years with the Carolina Panthers, Mr. Foster has run for a grand total of 441 yards and 0 touchdowns.

6.  Superman II.  Because it's really fun to say, "Son of Dorrell, kneel before Zod!"

7.  Rick Neuheisel.  A gambler with a coaching problem, Slick Rick was and always will be a Powder Blue Golden Boy.  While I still maintain that Coach Neu may have been the recipient of yet another raw deal straight from the Hero of Hypocrisy also known as Myles Brand, there is no doubt that the Washington program suffered more than its share of problems under Neuheisel.  And with a lawsuit on the horizon, the ride ain't over yet.  At least he had the decency to argue with UCLA's then head coach Bob Toledo.  See, even Rick Neuhiesel knows that UCLA is a school of punks!

8.  Bill Walton.  Shut up.

9.  Hollywood.  Let's face it, UCLA is the most "Hollywood" football team in the universe.  They have a 91,000 seat stadium that never sees capacity unless it happens to be January 1st, when the Bruins are enjoying the game on TV.  Poster boy Troy Aikman went on to quarterback one of the most Hollywood NFL teams of all-time.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The Bruins are the minor league franchise for LA Lakers fans; when they're winning, the alums are front and center on the 50-yard line in their Ray-bans, a la Jack Nicholson.  When they're losing, Cal State Fullerton's traveling fans dwarf the Bruin faithful.  I wonder who had the lower average attendance, last year’s Bruins, or the Nick Van Exel/Elden Campbell era Lakers. 

10.  Choke Artists.  How ironic that perhaps the most clutch basketball player in NBA history, Reggie Miller, hails from a school whose football team perennially folds faster than a Cougar fan's tailgating chair after an Apple Cup game.  Todd Turner would do well to realize that playing UCLA in the month of November is like betting on the aforementioned Mr. Miller to drain the winning 3-ball at the buzzer versus the Knicks; a sure thing.  No respect for teams that can't turn it up when the pressure's on.  U-C-L-A FOLD FOLD FOLD!

And here’s to hoping the Bruins do exactly that come Saturday.  If you find yourself feeling at all apathetic towards the hated…oops…extremely disliked Powder Blue Hollywood Basketball Choke Artists this weekend, do everything in your power to remember that if it wasn’t for UCLA, we’d have to try to make up a rivalry with a team that has tree for a mascot. 

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