This is Officer Lee Groinman,
That’s right, Seattle’s Most Displaced
Ya’ see due to the stress and financial
burden placed upon me, entirely
by my wife Gloria, earlier this year, I was forced to
forget about sendin’ in my Tyee
So back towards the end of July, when
things had seemed to settled back
down somewhat, I thought I’d call Tyee and see about gettin’ in thru the back
door, so to speak, as half of our group had already sent in their Tyee bucks,
and their parkin’ passes were nearly in hand!
Better call Ms. Suddath at Tyee...
“Yeah, uh Dean, Dean Suddath, please?”
“Dean speaking. How can I help you?”
Yeah Dean, Lee Groinman here,
“Lee! How ya’ been you ol’
Well that’s just why I’m callin’ Dean,
ya; see I just got snot-lockered in the teeth earlier on this year, and was
wonderin’ about tryin’ to pony up with the Tyee donation now, ya’ know... to try
and make things all better...
“Well that’s real sweet of you Lee, but
tickets are already printed and about to be sent. They do get printed down there
in Arkansas you know.”
That’s real nice Dean.
“But Lee, I do have two seats available
in sec. 49, but that’s only about 10 yards nearer the 50, plus you’d be a bit
Well let’s see...
“Lee, you might want to just stay put
this year, but you would get the parking pass with that donation, but then
again, you’ve never
PAID for parking anyway...Besides you’ll just migrate around the
Stadium like always.”
With that said, I was officially kicked
out of the Tyee Club, donation
still in pocket...
But yet, with my neglect, our group had
become divided, them over there, and me and Deputy Mikey over here...
GOTTA TELL YA’ THIS!!
Ya’ see, everytime we sat with those
guys last year, we lost!!
So now ‘we’ve’ got ‘new’ seats this
year, over towards the West End Zone, it’s been twenty years since
we’ve sat over there, but history
does have a way of repeatin’ itself, I’m dreamin’ of Fred Small’s kick-off
fumble recovery against USC, resultin’ in one of the biggest Dawg wins in
OUR History, we are nearly in the
same seats, just a couple of rows over! As Lou Gellerman might say...
“That’s the West end zone,
DAWG fans, that’s the
closed end of the Stadium
I’d now like to thank my spotters...”
Lou, ya’ gotta’ Love Lou...
“HELLOO DAWG FANS!!”
So now we’ve been sent towards the “Fun
I happened to turn my back to the big
screen. I glanced back towards the Lake...
“That’s the opened end of the Stadium,
We found our ‘new’ seats in the West end
of the Stadium...
closed end of the Stadium,
We found our seats, and as usual, we’re
sittin’ right in front of ‘Mr. Husky Know-it-all!”
23 years of buyin’ season tickets, most
of those years Tyee, and every year we find ourselfs in front of just one more
Mr. Husky “Know-it-All...”
DOES THIS HAPPEN!!
“Hi, This is Dr. Neil F. Clark, founder
of perfectmatch.com. At perfectmatch, we go deeper into those issues. Those
issues you’ve never even dealt with before...
At perfectmatch.com, we’ll tell you what
you need to know, just shut up, and pony up. We do everything from dating and
marriages, to step-kids and football seating!! Just call 1-800-SEN-CASH!!
I must have been listenin’ to
KOMO, old radio, worn battery
Now Mr. “Know-it-All” proceeds to tell
the entire section about how ‘we’ got a Quarterback, a Jimmy DeRoacher, a kid
just outside of Spokane somewhere’s....
“He’s the real deal folks! Not eligible
today, due to his transfer from Portland State, but I’ll tell ya’ this
This kid will have a bigger impact on
this program than Sam Emtman did!!
Hey they went to the same High School
too, over there by Idaho, and we’ll be playing Idaho next year!”
just gotta’ tell ya’ this...
There is nothin’ else I cant’s stands
more than some ‘know-it-all loud mouthed
It just don’t fit into my
cultured ways and style....
So now Cal takes the kickoff! The Bears
precede to get greedy.
New Cal JC transfer, QB Joe Ayoob
promptly became his rhyme sake... Going long on first down, his long pass
bounced off the unsuspectin’ knoggin’ of defender Matt Fountaine, unfazed, the
ball bounced off the unsuspectin’ helmet and into the unsuspectin’ hands of
BUZZ rings thru the crowd! Much like it did back on Halloween in ’81’
when Robb Weller introduced the “Wave”, which of course, resulted in a 42-31 win
over John Elway’s Stanford Cardinal...
It looked good. On first and 10, Dawgs
in Stanford territory, Stanback calls timeout...
A groan rims thru Sec 39, rolls over to
and thru 41.The verball ‘Wave’
“Now THAT’S COACHING!!”
Mr. “Know-it-All” bellows
“That’s Junior High STUFF!!”
Stanback over center, first and 10,
drops back, he hits a streakin’
Sonny Sacklelford for a TD!!
Roundeau goes nuts!!
“NOW THAT”S COACHIN’”
Me and Deputy Mikey belch out...
“That was the West end of the Stadium
Dawgfans, the closed end...”
Thanks again Lou...
“Hello DAWG FANS!!
Well we got teased again. A decent
effort, a ‘could-mighta’’ been deal.
Yet another loss...
Division seems to have run amok thru out
our fan base, our country, and even our country’s leaders.
On Sunday I attended the AM Church
service. Pastor Vaughn had been layin’ it down pretty lately good on
Afterall. Our motto at the “Church
of the BIKER be HOLY ROLLERS”.
“We accept all believers, even
Now Pastor Vaughan, former hell-raiser
from the get-go, has been on this serious kick about unity, especially since
Katrina, he got on a big ol’ roll on Sunday.
“New Orleans, now if I was the boss of
New Orleans, I’ll tell ya’ what I’d do. I’d take all the
finger-pointin’ all the hate, plus
the vice, all the gamblin’, all the liquor, and all the beer, the wine, all the
corruption, the evil women and all temptations of worldly men...
Pastor Vaughan has now got a spit flyin’
back 15 rows!!
This is when it gets good,,,
“I’d take all those temptations and I’d
throw ‘em all, all of ’em in the RIVER!!
Time to be UNITED!!”
YOU HEAR ME!!”
That Pastor Vee, he sings a spirited
tune, his tuning fork is whacked upon my pointed-knoggin’...
I thought I’d better migrate around
Husky Stadium to unite with my fellow DAWG fans. Therefore we could all be
unified and UNITED!!
Maybe even have a Tent-REVIVAL
Meetin’ at our own tent...
Let’s now all sing Hymn #169.
“SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER”
That’s Deputy Mikey on accordion, folks,
let’s all give it up for Deputy Mikey!!
So now we’re lookin’ down the barrel of
Idaho. Idaho will be lookin’ to get back into the coveted Northwest Championship
race, while the Dawgs will be lookin’ for that elusive
As a former resident of Idaho...
tell ya’ this!!
There’s to many rivers to cross for
And not a one
runs thru it...
Groinman’s tip of the week: “Never take
a bettin’ tip from a Police Officer...No Sir...
P.S. I got a message from Step-Boy Ben
down there in New Orleans, the Air-Force Fly-Boy, he’s tryin’ to help out those
Hurricane Katrina folks, the phone service is shot, and cell phones are spotty.
He did however manage to get this text message out and thru on to us, clever
little monkey that he is....
The Lee Groinman episodes are
based on the true life experiences of a real, diehard Dawg fan, who wishes he
were the cop he pretends to be. The tall, lanky Norwegian, with a boundless
sense of humor, loves tailgating before Husky games, bringing lutefisk and “Dawg
Breath” chili to the party. Living in eastern Washington, he is devoted to his
family and two malamutes named Eli and Elsie.
Officer Lee Groinman can be reached at