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Groinman's tribute to Sarge Morrison

This is Officer Lee Groinman,

That’s right, one of Seattle’s Most Confused...

When I finally made it to bed last Sunday night, right around Monday AM, I found that I still had at least two more hours of darkness left to spare...

Not bad, considerin’ how it’s still daylight savin’s time and all...

Try as I might, there was still no sleep for nobody named Groinman, not tonight anyway, the rest of the week would remain in question...

The ‘dark cloud.’

That damned dark cloud had settled in like a low-pressure system off Puget Sound, complete with the stench of a Tacoma low tide...

Being born and raised up in Tacoma....

I know the feelin’, complete with all the trimmings...all to well....

The ‘cloud’ always comes complete with a mega dose of anxiety, guilt, and a cup of suspicion. But then again, you’ve got to add the three layers of second guessing...

Durin’ the night, you may not get real nightmares, you just might get those stress-induced type dreams, ya’ know, like the ones when you’re gettin’ married while you just happen to be bare-assed naked and your momma, your birth momma, the one named Edith is conductin’ the ceremony!!

And you still can’t find that damn High School Diploma.. 

Never mind finding the car keys, and whose underwear is this?

Once awake, you jump at a phone call, you suspect everyone, you sit with your back to the corner, keepin’ escape routes in mind...

A cell phone call set on ‘vibrate’ may become  ‘plausible excuse’ In a King County Court of Law...

I’ll keep that in mind...

“King County Style”

But how I do digress, and how I do need to confess.

So that ‘dark cloud’ may now finally pass...

We opened up with Air Force, as you all know. For that game, I wrote a story about my step-boy Ben, going down to New Orleans, to clean up after Hurricane Katrina with his “Capt. Morrison.”

Now Ben did get down there to Norleans, he’s still there, and still waitin’ for Chee-Toos... (sp)

Now for the confession, here we go...

“Captain Morrison” was never in the Air Force, nor was he a Captain. And he wasn’t in New Orleans, nor was he going there.

“Capt. Morrison” was actually a Sarge. A Sgt. in the Army, a medic who served with my wife Gloria, the wife who comes complete with the Army boots....

Sarge Morrison always grumbled about not gettin’ his ‘shot’ at the war in Kuwait.

Disgruntled, he left the Army in 1995 with 17 thousand dollars and with his benefits lowered. He took a job in the Post Office.

I once saw Sarge Morrison in Albertson’s. “Sarge” I yells out, “So how do you like life at the Post Office, life as a man on your own?”

“Boring, Lee, I’ll tell ya’ this Lee, it’s boring as dried butt-putty...”

Oh that colorful Sarge....

Sometimes I use names and titles, then I shuffle them up a bit to protect the innocent, to point blame at the guilty, while at the same time making fun at the rest...

I used the name “Captain Morrison” in the Air Force story I wrote for the opener a while back as an unknowingly respect for the real “Sarge Morrison” who served in the Army.

Sarge Morrison (Larry) used to house sit, and dog sit our dogs Rocky and Bud, back just a few years ago...

Sarge Morrison wouldn’t even charge for the detail. In fact he would do it with glee! He would however, accept a special inducement....

“A 6-Pack of Bud-Light (16oz, only) with a bag of “Pig Lips and Butts!!”

 (Fried pork rinds and butts, some with lips)

A poor boy from Kentucky, Sarge Morrison didn’t even have a pair of shoes until his enlistment in the Army...

Now he enjoys “pig lips and butts!”

Could life ever be better?

Morrison used to love to tell stories about his Ol’ Grand-Dad, “Grampa Morrison” and Grampa’s bee catchin’ talents...

“Now Grampa Morrison didn’t have skin, he had hide...”

So did you Sarge, so did you.

You just didn’t hide enough

“Sarge Larry Morrison” was killed in Iraq this past Monday in a bomb blast.

His wife Becky, the United States Army, and the Yakima Herald gave no more details, he was however with the Marines at the time of his death. Interestin’...

I do believe “Sarge Morrison” while not wanting to die, would prefer to go the way he did.

But I do know this... he damn sure do misses his pretty red headed wife Becky!!!




That dark cloud came with it’s warnin’... now that dark cloud has passed...

Larry is gone...but never to be forgotten.

I’m thinkin’ it’s about time for somethin’ good to happen....


Now that just might punch my ticket!!

And for Sarge Morrison?

 He’d be smilin’!!

Snackin’ on “Pig Lips and Butts!!”


Sarge Morrison!! This Bud’s for you!!



The misadventures of Lee Groinman are based on the true life experiences of a real, diehard Dawg fan, who wishes he were the cop he pretends to be. The tall, lanky Norwegian, with a boundless sense of humor, loves tailgating before Husky games, bringing lutefisk and “Dawg Breath” chili to the party. Living in eastern Washington, he is devoted to his family and two Alaskan Malamutes, Eli and Elsie.


Officer Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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