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Some Trends not to Buck

This is Officer Lee Groinman.

It just don’t get much better than this, but it will, but then it won’t then again ya’ just never really know. I suppose that’s why we even bother to play this game called life...

I mean dang, I’ve made so much money so far this year by betting on the Dawgs, that I’m contemplatin’ some kind of early retirement...

Then just the other day my Uncle Harley died. He was named after a certain motorcycle that I’m fairly fond of...

It must be some kind of family curse. My family always marries and dies during Husky season. Ya’ really don’t have much to say as to when ya’ dies, but ya’ can at least plan a wedding, and a funeral when ya’ come to think of it.

I mean who’s to say that you have to buried on a Husky game?  There is no rule that states that Groinman family members must be...

“Married and buried on game days only.”

But it seems to be some kinda’ forgone conclusion that Groinman funerals and weddings take place on,


I mean screw that. I mean I followed the Groinman family rules. I got married during Husky season, but Groinman here got-er-done on a bye!!

That’s why we have byes! It’s marrying and burying day!

Kinda’ like bath night...

Now let me tell ya’ this...I got married back in the year of ’91. It was the bye week in mid September just before the Nebraska game back there in Lincoln.

We got home from our honeymoon two minutes before kick-off, right before that awesome game in Lincoln!!

I gave the wife Gloria a two-minute warning...

Good Dawg Almighty! It must be my Weddin’ Anniversary!!

My how the Lord do work in mysterious ways...

But were not gonna talk about that now...

How I sure do digress...

Some of you may remember my ol’ buddies Deputy Mikey and Desk Sarge Deano. Well Desk Sarge Deano has retired now and moved on down to somewhere just outside of BackAssCactus, Nevada.

Deputy Mikey has got hisself a new woman. Woman named of Gayle.

Deputy Mikey and new woman Gayle figure we could all car-pool over to the Boise St. game, so far so good. I mean what the hey, I just got me a designated driver.

I am now free to be as obnoxious as I have to be...

Now Groinman here, is always a bit concerned about bringing unaccustomed women to such things like Husky football, why with the tail-gate and all the trimmings and all the what-nots...

Well it takes a special kind of gal. Someone, say like my Mom, Ma Groinman or my sisters maybe, or Audrey Linde, wife of the Malamute. Some womens just don’t have the stomach for the whole enchilada.

I don’t even take my wife...

Call it what you will, self-preservation, survival of the fittest, last man standing, divorce court, whatever, Judge Judy???


So Deputy Mikey and new squeeze Gayle show up at my place on game day at about O-dark-thirty. Gayle jumps out of Mikey’s new KIA. She’s wearin’ blue jeans, and a purple Husky shirt. She’s got her face done up in purple and gold, one cheek gold the other purple, with the Dawg paws placed right on her cheek bones. She’s got a thermos of coffee in each hand. Purple and gold streamers are done up in her hair.

This could work...

Nice job Mikey...

Were coming down the hill, getting close to Husky Ville. Mikey can stands it no more. He has to stop. Too much of that Starbucks, just one thermos too many. My thermos had Fred Meyer’s special blend about 4.99 for the three pound can...

He pulls over in the weeds. We hadn’t seen a car for miles. He’s taking care of business, as not one or two, but six cars drive by, all of them laughing and waving.

“I feel so much better Lee!”

We continue around the bend. A park-like place. There it is not one or two, but three pods of six Porta-Potties. That makes for a total of 18...

“I’m gonna’ have to remember this spot Lee!”

Mikey continues to drive, he’s getting a full head of steam up by now. “Try this Lee, a little road music”. He puts in some Skynyrd. Yup sounds familar...

“You know Lee, when I was back in the weeds back there, I couldn’t help but think Of ol’ Seifert, remember Kent?”

“Why sure, I was thinkin’ the same thing back when you was in them weeds, hard to believe that Kent wouldn’t show up for this one. You’d think he woulda’ called...”

Kent is a long lost pal who moved to Gooding Idaho about 15 years ago. Gooding is about 60 miles past Boise. He does a morning radio show there on some station, K-COW I do believe. Yup, it’s K-COW in the mornin’ with the Kent of Gooding....

It’s a drive-bye radio station, if ya’ drive by too fast, you’ll miss it...

The last time I saw Kent out side of our trip to byu was at my wedding. He’s wearing his tuxedo from the waist up only. He’s got these boxer shorts on and is leading our reception quests thru a line dance. He’s got something wrapped around his head, but were not gonna talk about that now...

We hadn’t even struck the match to the old tried and true smokey-joe barbeque yet

 “What’s going on FELLAS!!”

It’s Kent and wife Sharon! All decked out in purple. They had made the trip over from Idaho with about 300 of their closest Boise State fans!

All at our tailgate...

Now I was prepared to get as obnoxious as I had to be. I had enough refreshments in my cooler to do some real damage.

But Kent and Sharon plus all their Orange friends?

We’re not talkin; about the fish and the loaves at the Dead Sea here...

All bets were off and many more were made. These Boise St. fans had forgotten how to lose, a very confident bunch here...

At long last it was game time. I’d had my fill of Boise St. fans. I get to my seat. Not two minutes later these Boise St. fans all decked out in orange come up and sit nearly in my lap!

Now if this don’t beat all.

I snapped. I ordered them to show me their ticket stubs, they had them. I then checked their ID’s, they are legit.

Now if that don’t beat all.

Seems my ol’ buddy Kent had even a better deal. He’s sittin’ right in the middle of the horse shoe. A speck of purple in a sea of orange, he loved it...

Funny how all those Boise State fans failed to show themselves at our post-game function.

I hear the check is in the mail...

Yeah, ya know it just don’t get much better than this. Another Dawg victory, I’m on vacation, it’s my anniversary, another kinda’ orange team coming to town, I’m on a roll here, gettin’ rich off bets. Something has to give...

I’m sitting at muster the other day. The Sergeant hands me a sealed envelope, it’s from the chief himself. I figure I’ve come to the end of the road...The day I called in sick to watch the Syracuse game has come back to bite me in the butt...

The room became dead still. I was about to puke in my shoes. I had to read that one paragraph letter three times.

I’m being transferred to a new facility.

Hell, I’m gonna call in sick more often...

I’m on a roll here!!!

So now it’s on to Ohio State. How good is that DAWG FANS!!

Another team, looks kinda’ orange! I’m seeing a streak here! The planets must be all lined up! I agree with my editor Rich Linde aka Malamute, we call him “Mr. Ed” around here. Ohio State comes in complacent, they don’t really want to be here and it shows. Our stable of Tight Ends starts to do the deed. They haven’t been quiet this long for nothing ya’ know!! Marcel Reece gets loose and Jake has his day!

Our “D” bends and breaks a couple times but in the end it’s the DAWGS!!

Dawgs 24 Ohio St. 17.

Things need to balance out I guess. I’m having a great time and Uncle Harley passes on. Uncle Harley, here’s to you! You’re ridin’ that new Harley in the sky!

And if you need someone here on earth to care of your earth Harley... 


Dang, it really is my anniversary. I’m thinkin’ about Gloria’s favorite retail outlet. I hear it’s half price day at the Goodwill. Maybe a gift certificate is in order here....


Malamute can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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