This is Officer Lee Groinman.
just don’t get much better than this, but it will, but then it won’t
then again ya’ just never really know. I suppose that’s why we even
bother to play this game called life...
I mean dang, I’ve made so much money
so far this year by betting on the Dawgs, that I’m contemplatin’
some kind of early retirement...
Then just the other day my Uncle
Harley died. He was named after a certain motorcycle that I’m fairly
It must be some kind of family curse.
My family always marries and dies during Husky season. Ya’ really
don’t have much to say as to when ya’ dies, but ya’ can at least
plan a wedding, and a funeral when ya’ come to think of it.
I mean who’s to say that you have to
buried on a Husky game? There is no rule that states that Groinman
family members must be...
“Married and buried on game days
But it seems to be some kinda’ forgone
conclusion that Groinman funerals and weddings take place on,
“GAME DAY ONLY!!”
I mean screw that. I mean I followed
the Groinman family rules. I got married during Husky season, but
Groinman here got-er-done on a bye!!
That’s why we have byes! It’s marrying
and burying day!
Kinda’ like bath night...
Now let me tell ya’ this...I got
married back in the year of ’91. It was the bye week in mid
September just before the Nebraska game back there in Lincoln.
We got home from our honeymoon two
minutes before kick-off, right before that awesome game in Lincoln!!
I gave the wife Gloria a two-minute
Good Dawg Almighty! It must be my
My how the Lord do work in mysterious
But were not gonna talk about that
How I sure do digress...
Some of you may remember my ol’
buddies Deputy Mikey and Desk Sarge Deano. Well Desk Sarge Deano has
retired now and moved on down to somewhere just outside of
Deputy Mikey has got hisself a new
woman. Woman named of Gayle.
Deputy Mikey and new woman Gayle
figure we could all car-pool over to the Boise St. game, so far so
good. I mean what the hey, I just got me a designated driver.
I am now free to be as obnoxious as I
have to be...
Now Groinman here, is always a bit
concerned about bringing
unaccustomed women to such things like Husky football, why with the
tail-gate and all the trimmings and all the what-nots...
Well it takes a special kind of gal.
Someone, say like my Mom, Ma Groinman or my sisters maybe, or Audrey
Linde, wife of the Malamute. Some womens just don’t have the stomach
for the whole enchilada.
I don’t even take my wife...
Call it what you will,
self-preservation, survival of the fittest, last man standing,
divorce court, whatever, Judge Judy???
I call it
So Deputy Mikey and new squeeze Gayle
show up at my place on game day at about O-dark-thirty. Gayle jumps
out of Mikey’s new KIA. She’s wearin’ blue jeans, and a purple Husky
shirt. She’s got her face done up in purple and gold, one cheek gold
the other purple, with the Dawg paws placed right on her cheek
bones. She’s got a thermos of coffee in each hand. Purple and gold
streamers are done up in her hair.
This could work...
Nice job Mikey...
Were coming down the hill, getting
close to Husky Ville. Mikey can stands it no more. He has to stop.
Too much of that Starbucks, just one thermos too many. My thermos
had Fred Meyer’s special blend about 4.99 for the three pound can...
He pulls over in the weeds. We hadn’t
seen a car for miles. He’s taking care of business, as not one or
two, but six cars drive by, all of them laughing and waving.
“I feel so much better Lee!”
We continue around the bend. A
park-like place. There it is not one or two, but three pods of six
Porta-Potties. That makes for a total of 18...
“I’m gonna’ have to remember this spot
Mikey continues to drive, he’s getting
a full head of steam up by now. “Try this Lee, a little road music”.
He puts in some Skynyrd. Yup sounds familar...
“You know Lee, when I was back in the
weeds back there, I couldn’t help but think Of ol’ Seifert, remember
“Why sure, I was thinkin’ the same
thing back when you was in them weeds, hard to believe that Kent
wouldn’t show up for this one. You’d think he woulda’ called...”
Kent is a long lost pal who moved to
Gooding Idaho about 15 years ago. Gooding is about 60 miles past
Boise. He does a morning radio show there on some station,
K-COW I do believe. Yup,
it’s K-COW in the
mornin’ with the Kent of Gooding....
It’s a drive-bye radio station, if ya’
drive by too fast, you’ll miss it...
The last time I saw Kent out side of
our trip to byu was at my wedding. He’s wearing his tuxedo from the
waist up only. He’s got these boxer shorts on and is leading our
reception quests thru a line dance. He’s got something wrapped
around his head, but were not gonna talk about that now...
We hadn’t even struck the match to the
old tried and true smokey-joe barbeque yet
“What’s going on
It’s Kent and wife Sharon! All decked
out in purple. They had made the trip over from Idaho with about 300
of their closest Boise State fans!
All at our
Now I was prepared to get as obnoxious
as I had to be. I had enough
refreshments in my
cooler to do some real damage.
But Kent and Sharon plus all their
We’re not talkin; about the fish and
the loaves at the Dead Sea here...
All bets were off and many more were
made. These Boise St. fans had forgotten how to lose, a very
confident bunch here...
At long last it was game time. I’d had
my fill of Boise St. fans. I get to my seat. Not two minutes later
these Boise St. fans all decked out in orange come up and sit nearly
in my lap!
Now if this don’t beat all.
I snapped. I ordered them to show me
their ticket stubs, they had them. I then checked their ID’s, they
Now if that don’t beat all.
Seems my ol’ buddy Kent had even a
better deal. He’s sittin’ right in the middle of the horse shoe. A
speck of purple in a sea of orange, he loved it...
Funny how all those Boise State fans
failed to show themselves at our post-game function.
I hear the check is in the mail...
Yeah, ya know it just don’t get much
better than this. Another Dawg victory, I’m on vacation, it’s my
anniversary, another kinda’ orange team coming to town, I’m on a
roll here, gettin’ rich off bets. Something has to give...
I’m sitting at muster the other day.
The Sergeant hands me a sealed envelope, it’s from the chief
himself. I figure I’ve come to the end of the road...The day I
called in sick to watch the Syracuse game has come back to bite me
in the butt...
The room became dead still. I was
about to puke in my shoes. I had to read that one paragraph letter
I’m being transferred to a new
Hell, I’m gonna call in sick more
I’m on a roll here!!!
So now it’s on to Ohio State. How good
is that DAWG FANS!!
Another team, looks kinda’ orange! I’m
streak here! The planets must be all lined up! I
agree with my editor Rich Linde aka Malamute, we call him “Mr. Ed”
around here. Ohio State comes in
complacent, they don’t really want to be here and it shows. Our
stable of Tight Ends starts to do the deed. They haven’t been quiet
this long for nothing ya’ know!! Marcel Reece gets loose and Jake
has his day!
“D” bends and breaks a
couple times but in the end it’s the
Ohio St. 17.
Things need to balance out I guess.
I’m having a great time and Uncle Harley passes on. Uncle Harley,
here’s to you! You’re ridin’ that new Harley in the sky!
And if you need someone here on earth
to care of your earth Harley...
Dang, it really is my anniversary. I’m
thinkin’ about Gloria’s favorite retail outlet. I hear it’s half
price day at the Goodwill. Maybe a gift certificate is in order