Officer Lee Groinman.
the disgusted, angry-as-hell, not gonna take it any more cop!!
There comes a
time when you just gotta stand up and take a stand. I did just
that last Saturday night at the orygun game. I stood up and
walked out of Husky Stadium with about four minutes left in the
game. Now some dawg fans do this on a weekly basis as if
this was just a norm, not me. No Sir, not Groinman. But a mold
had to be broken. For twenty-five years I’ve remained in my seat
until the final gun, win or lose.
me snapped Saturday night. I nearly booed as I walked out but
resisted that temptation. I’ve never booed a player, maybe a
coach or two and a few dozen refs, but never a player. Some
things are still sacred I suppose. Until next week anyway...
By Dawg what
a month it’s been. I told ya’ that I got transferred to a new
facility a while back, it was just before the u$c game. I drive
into the facility and flash my ID badge into the panel by the
front gate, the front gate starts to open, I’ll be darned...I
pull my ol’ Dodge Diesel up next to one of these new-fangled
hybrid type cars, the ones that you have to pedal to get ‘em
started, ya’ know those kind? So I steps out of my Dodge and on
the back window of this new hybrid is this window sticker that
says “USC MOM”.
that kinda’ month..
So I walk
across the parking lot and entry my password into the entry
panel then hit the # sign, wait 4.5 seconds, then swipe my ID
badge against the panel and the front door opens! Ain’t
I walk thru
the Officer’s break room and on the reader board there’s this
sign that reads...
REALLY WANT THIS GUY WORKING HERE?”
the sign was a full size photo of ME!!
It was really
tastefully done and so professional! Nearly brought a tear to ol’
Groinman’s eyes. These guys are just like family...
One of the
side benefits to this transfer was that I’d be teamed back up
with an Officer that I’d worked with before, my ol’ buddy Earl.
Now you may know of some of Earl’s family. Earl is named after
his Uncle Earl. Earl Pitts of radio and TV fame, you may of
heard of him.
Earl is a die-hard sports fan, it’s sports 24/7 with Earl. He
coaches little league football and basketball for kicks. He is
also a rabid Dawg fan. I enter the muster room and there’s Earl
arguing over the MVP of the 1933 World Series...just pull the
Earl?” “Hey Groinman! Great to have another dawg in the dog
“Hey Lee, let
me tell ya’ this. What’s gonna happen against u$c this week is
this, there’s gonna be two big plays in the fourth quarter that
go the dawgs way and we get the big upset. U$C is ripe for the
fall. I can just feel it!!”
against ucla was just a fluke! We make a couple of tackles, make
a play here or there, and that’s a big W Lee! And Jake is just
week Earl had this bit of advise...
played anybody, Erickson’s crafty, but this one is our party...”
The next week
Earl had this bit of wisdom...
“Lee, this is
what’s happening. Mid fourth quarter, the Dawgs get a couple of
big plays, a couple of big plays that go our way. Orygun is
banged up. They’re ripe for the upset! I can just feel it!!”
I sense a bit
of a theme to Earl Logic...
Earl’s been quiet. He’s got that mad ex -Jar-head look about
This week, as
I said, Groinman’s been disgusted...
I’m trying to
learn to not let the actions of a bunch of twenty-something kids
ruin my life. It’s a tough lesson.
to other things to try and scratch whatever itch that is that
something with power and noise.
Warren Zevon once sang.
Lawyers, guns, and money
The shet has
hit the fan..”
chainsaws, guns, and Miller
have ground my beans.”
So I fuel up
the ol’ Dodge and mix up some two-cycle gas and oil mix for the
chainsaw. I’m feelin’ kinda’ like a coug now. This is like Coug
chainsaw fueled up and don’t ferget that bar oil, never ferget
that bar oil boy.”
So I call up
my coug buddy Jerry and we head up to the hills to get me a load
of firwood for da’ winter. Dang I’m starting to sound
like some coug. Need a remedy quick, how about a little can of
whoop-ass for Arizona? Ya’ think?
Jerry and I
stop at the Ranger station to get the cutting permit only to
find that firewood season is over and has been for weeks. The
Lady tells us to call the Dept. of Natural Resources because we
just may get permission to cut.
We call the
DNR and get ahold of another woman who tells us that we need to
talk to “Chuck”. “But Chuck is at lunch right now and won’t be
back for about another two and a half hours...”
come this far. So we decide to go for it and head up into the
hills. We pass all these hunter camps and just keep going. We’ve
now lost all cell phone coverage, it’s starting to get cold, it
was a warm day.
two hours on this rocky and rutted goat trail, the trail comes
to an abrupt end on top of this huge mountain side. The view is
awesome. The trees up here are all changin’ colors, I suppose
these are those carnivorous type of trees. At the base of this
orange colored carnivore sits this huge slag pile of wood,
beautiful! As if by magic we suddenly get cell phone coverage!
We call the Natural Resources place, Chuck is back from Lunch!
boys, you’ll need written permission to cut that wood,
takes about a week to ten days...”
that kinda month....
But all was
not lost. Ya’ see I’ve been working on this business adventure
of mine. I’ve made up these targets for shooting. On one side
I’ve got a life size photo of a Horse named Bab’s and what’s
real cool is that on the other side is a photo of a Duck named
Mike. This gives the avid Husky fan a choice, and isn’t that
what life is about? Choices?
setting up the target. This horse’s butt is looking at me, I
snicker and set her up against this hollow stump by the slag
pile. Jerry is sitting on my tailgate loading up a clip of 9mm
ammo into my Browning while sucking on a can of Miller.
commercial made for TV in there somewhere...
I look down
into this stump. My highly trained Law enforcement eyes tell me
that I’ve found the perfect “target accessory” for Babs the
horse. A crudely constructed, homemade device commonly used for
the smoking of cannabis, a plastic 7-up bottle with a cardboard
core cut into its side, a bong.
As if by
instinct I grab my toolbox and grab some electrical tape, in a
split instant the bong is taped to the horse’s mouth!!
I sure am
glad I bought that extra box of ammo...
day off soon came to an end. We were out of ammo. The horse and
duck were all blasted, the cans were all blasted and we were
all... uhh... ready to go.
of those logs did find their way into the back of the Dodge. I
suppose they were just souvenir logs, yup, living life on
the dangerous side. Kinda’ like Husky Football without the
perks. I’m not even sure what that means, just blowing off some
So I tell
Officer Earl yesterday.
let me tell you this! There’s gonna come a time in the fourth
quarter, The Dawgs are gonna be in prime position, a couple of
big plays go our way and we win going away!! Jake has arrived
and Arizona sucks! Can you FEEL it?”
Groinman Logic to me there Lee.”
“You got any
better and brighter ideas there Earl?”
of the week: Dawgs win, they cover more than the spread.
time I don’t mean maybe.”
precisely what that means, but that’s what Mom Groinman always
told me when she was is a disgusted frame of mind...
come a day when I have nothing to say...
will never come a day when I quit saying it...