is Officer Lee Groinman.
These are the
days my friends! Yep, it sure is great to be a DAWG!!
haven’t been this amped up for all things Dawg since I took my
bike ride last summer over Chinook pass. The one when I ended up
at “Van’s 1885 Saloon” and ran amuck with them Harley Babes. Yep
them were the Days... Come to think of it, that was the last
time one of my predictions came true.
Groinman here has got it figured, I need to do one of two
things, either ride my bike more often, or spend more time at
Van’s with the Babes...
but a guy needs to take a stand. Kinda’ like our President Mark
Emmert. He made the call to save Willingham’s arse and give
Turner the boot instead. A crafty call if ya’ ask me. But now
Pres Emmert has another tough call. He has to replace this
Turner feller with a more qualified and more respected
candidate. A candidate with scruples, a candidate with class, a
highly edumacated person with dignity, maturity, and what-not.
A man like
you got it, Officer Lee Groinman, that’s right folks, I’m fillin’
out the job application as we speak. Shouldn’t take but a few
more minutes. I just need to find that damn address to the
Tubeless Graves building, I’ve got it here somewheres, then alls
I need to do is tack on one of them fancy cover letters and
that’s it, I’m in.
Oh sure, I
know some of them upper campus slobs will want to go for some
high-falootin’ out-of-state wack-job with no ties to anything
Dawg. That’s what we did last time. See what we got?
Have you read
some of the comments Turner has made? A real wise-arse once said
that. “Once you find yourself in a hole...stop diggin’”
missed that lesson...
Oh sure, I
know some of you fellers are thinkin’ that I’ve popped a cork.
But ya’ know, ya’ only go around once in life, and what the
know something you guys don’t. I’ll let ya’ in on a little
went to High School with Emmert. That’s right, I got the goods
on him. I’m not near as old of course...
That was back
in day, the day of muscle cars and low gas prices, the Beatles,
Stones, and Jimi Hendrix,,, By Dawg I can remember our High
School parkin’ lot! That lot would be priceless today!
Hutch had his
’40 Ford with rumble seat, Sandy had his ’64 Malibu, damn thing
only had a 283 in it, but there are still ruts in the road down
in Fife where Sandy burned off a few sets of tires. Felix had
his ’57 Chev, a screamer, Eastman had his ’66 GTO, the thing
would be illegal today, Heidleberg had his ’56 Ford wagon with
padded interior and orange shag carpet, it wasn’t fast, but we
called it the Beer-Wagon, go figure. I had a red ’55 Chev
pickup, but raced my Honda 350. I thought that bike was hot, did
a nice wheely...
he had a Plymouth Dart...
As it came to
pass in those days. It was customary to burn your tires while
leaving the school parkin’ lot after school or any other time.
This would impress the female folk, don’t ya’ know...Now Emmert
in his in-line 6 cylinder Plymouth, with “three-on-the-tree”
transmission, just couldn’t pass muster. But that Emmert was one
smart feller, even in his horn-rimmed glasses...
loosen up the fan belt so it would sound like he was a
screamin’ machine, and that thang smoked so much oil that he
looked it too!!
And if this
don’t beat all!!
fell for it!!
one smart feller...
But how I do
digress. You want the “goods” on Emmert, Don’t cha’.
You see, I
know a few things that you won’t find on any resume, some things
here that you won’t find on any background check...
here, that you wouldn’t tell your momma..
Ya’ see. I
know who turned over Yamamoto’s out-house on Halloween...
I know who
“painted” the field for homecoming...
I know who
put the Ben Gay in Swendson’s jock...
I know about
the stink bomb in the girls locker room...
I know who
hung the Triple D bra on Miss Lindstrom’s ceiling fan, the fan
that was just high enough over her desk to not be seen until the
3 o’clock bell...
was one of your bests man, hats off dude...
I know this
and just a bit more...
Or Dr. Emmert,
Mr. Boss man!! I hear your needin’ a straight up Athletic
Well here we
go Mark ol’ buddy boy!! Why it’ll be just like ol’ times!!
suppose you need anymore help with findin’ a Triple D bra these
days. Victoria’s Secret Christmas catalogue is already out...
know a bra from a bazooka in those days...
So there you
have it Dawg fans!!
for your new AD is now OVER!!
So just keep
on THEM COMMITS there TYRONE.
sign ‘em up!
that was a nice job reeling in Polk yesterday! By Dawg I’d
aliked to been the cockroach on Petie Carroll’s desk when he got
just see it Ty!! I bet ol’ Petey darn near blew an arse-gasket!
Doing WHAT!! GOING WHERE!!”
Tyrone, Groinman here don’t mind giving credit where credit is
due. You’re doing a helluva job for being so dad-burned lazy
with the California kids...
your commit list for this week Tyrone. And I want them THIS
Why isn’t this a done DEAL!!
should’ve been in the boat YESTERDAY!!
time to WASTE!!
want that Hawaiian pipeline flowin’ real good Mr. TYRONE!!
you mind if I calls ya’ Tyrone? Good, now Tyrone you may feel
free to substitute the names of DeCastro, or Guyton.
Substitute at will...
Mr. Groinman, Mr. Don James is here to see you for your one on
you Daisy, tell Don I’ll be just a minute.”
Daisy McQueen, Tyrone, she’s my new secretary. I thought I’d
dress up the place a bit there Tyrone, starting with a little
eye-candy, makes the day go by a bit better, know what I mean?”
“Now put your
ear-balls back in your sockets Tyrone...”
“Yes Sir Mr.
where’s my VICTORY CIGARS??
win us some games there next year Mr. Tyrone!!
HAVIN’ some VICTORY CIGARS with me huh TYRONE??
tomorrow we’re doing lunch. Let’s give ol’ Emmert a call, huh
This is a working lunch. We’ll be discussin’ DEFENSE!!
I’ve got a ten point plan, and I’d like some of your
input, if ya’ know what I mean...”
“Yes Sir Mr.
Groinman!” “And uh,Tyrone?
turn to buy...”
tip of the week: Next weeks lunch topic with Tyrone will be
Public Relations. Yes Sir we’re gonna be knowin’ all about
Public Relations around here! Now where’ my matches? Anyone seen