You gotta have faith
This is Officer Lee Groinman,
That’s right Washington’s Most Disgusted
had one helluva’ time getting to sleep on the Eve of Oklahoma. Couldn’t
catch a wink, probably due to the pending excitement of facing one of
the best teams in the country in ‘our’ house. The Dawgs played them
tough on their own field not so long ago. Could our Dawgs show more
improvement and still have some heart after the byu travesty?
It’s around 4 am, and
I’m ponderin’ this very question. Can’t sleep so I put on some coffee,
some South American Triple Roasted Double X Factoria Especial. Not sure
what factoria is all about, but this brew could stimulate Todd Turner.
I’ve downed about a
gallon and a half when I arrive in Husky Stadium’s E-1 parkin’ lot. I’m
in a caffeniated state of mind and bladder.
So what’s to eat?
Well first things
first, I had to take a tour of the pavement, just to get my
bearings and to sell that
one extra ticket I had. I had already turned down the guy on the
Mountlake exit, he offered me a twenty. This one dude offers me twenty
as well, “Nah” I said, “My brother-in-law offered me twenty, to hell
“Will you take
This transaction, as
you might suspect, was the highlight of the day.
Remember folks, scalpin’
is illegal, so never try this at home....
Try as I might, I could
not have contemplated the play of our Dawgs against the Sooners. I did
notice some very attractive women folk from Sooner country, didn’t
contemplate them either. Clearly this was a game where it didn’t pay to
do your own thinkin’...
Along about mid point
of the second quarter, I was having severe doubts. I knew Oklahoma was
tough and that we would have to see improvement across the board to stay
with them, and this is what I expect from every game,
What I do not expect is
more poor tackling, no QB pressure, more drops, more poor accuracy, and
most of all, our runners being bitch-slapped for fumbles.
I think there was about
3:42 left in the second quarter when Garcia got down and laid out
another one of his “bounce-snaps” to Jake resulting in yet another
turnover. I mean Juan, ya big dummy, how long you been here? How heavy
is that ball there Garcia, do ya’ need two hands? Do we need more
push-ups here? Juan, I’m your biggest fan, I know your momma, get a grip
on that thing. YOU HEAR ME?
I snapped. I’ve had
season tickets for over 25 years, but whose counting? For the first time
ever, I left Husky Stadium before the game was over, hell before the
HALF was over!
It was disgusting. This
one kid, a college aged Husky fan wanted to high-five me on my way out.
It’s beyond me folks...
I got back to my rig.
There were beers in the cooler but what’s the point?
I think I was home
about the time the game was over. I didn’t even know the final score.
There was a time when a loss could bother me for over a month or more.
But why should another loss bother me
more than the players. UW
players don’t get upset after a loss, why me? On this night, I grab a
piece of cold pizza and go to bed.
In the mornin’ my wife
Gloria is punchin’ me in the ribs. “Lee! Get up! It’s our anniversary
and YOU ARE taking me to
Church, then out to brunch!”
Sometimes our God is a
very cruel and punishin’ God....
I’m sittin’ there in
the pew, when I notice Elliot the owner of the local Tavern come
stumbling in. He had been closing up shop after a Saturday Night as
usual... This Church is pretty casual. The Pastor is the Rev. Dave Edler,
former pitcher for the Mariners. Pastor Dave approaches the pulpit....
“Good morning everyone!
Today’s sermon is about faith and what it can do for our life’s!”
“Shall we pray?
“Dear Lord we ask for
help in our daily struggles with faith, especially for those Huskies and
Cougars in attendance with us today, and what about the Mariner’s Dear
Lord, what about us? We ask for your holy wisdom and guidance for us
lowly and unworthy Mariner fans, oh Lord please don’t forsake us
unworthy Mariner fans...”
At this point I glance
over at Elliot, the dumb coug is smirkin’ at me.
Well Pastor Dave gets
rollin’ with his sermon. “There was a time,” he said,” when I doubted my
faith and my abilities as a pitcher, it was a constant struggle. There
were years in fact, when I was the last one to leave the Tavern, every
“Yeah Elliot! Ya’ dumb
Coug! What time you get home last
Lee, remember the story about those that live in glass houses and the
parable about slivers and planks in the eye.”
“Sorry Pastor Dave, but
Elliot, Elliot’s the one that started it....
Pastor Dave continued.
“You see folks, without faith, we are nothing. Our country was built on
faith, without faith, you and I would not be sitting here right now.
Speaking of sitting, you all have faith, none of you came here this
morning and inspected the seating, you had
faith that the seating would
support your substance, some of you may have been
worrisome but all sat down
(nervous laughter). Some of you like Groinman had faith that the coffee
would be hot, Lee brought in his half gallon cup, showing faith that the
coffee would be hot, yet still Lee sleeps (laughter). At this point
Gloria stabs me in the ribs, I’ve heard bits and pieces thru my snooze.
I jumps up and declares
“Yes Sir Pastor Dave! I do have the highest faith that I will be up and
a-peeing-freely why within the hour!”
At this point Pastor
Dave tries to bring his sermon in for a landing.
“You see friends,
without faith, communication itself breaks down, communication with your
peers, your family, your spouse, your co-workers, team mates, your God.
What happens then?”
“May we bow our
At this point the
screen comes down from the over-head projector. A figure comes on the
It’s Strother Martin,
the prison Captain from the movie “Cool Hand Luke.”
“What we’ve got here is
failure, failure to communicate.”
Amen Brother, Amen...
Led Zeppelin once wrote
a song about it. “Communication Breakdown.” It’s always the same..
Starts from the top, ya’
Sermon over, we head
for the exits, Elliot avoids me like the 12-day flu. Pastor Dave wants
to shake my hand. I fear he’s about to give me a big butt chewing for my
disturbances in Church. I’m used to it. Don James once thought about it
at the Tyee 5th quarter...
“You know Lee, it seems
the Apple Cup might have two teams looking for their first win!”
“First win Pastor Dave?
Seems Pastor Dave is one of those cougs, and we all know some, that only
pay attention to about one game a year, the Apple Cup. Seems Pastor Dave
missed the impressive coug win over mighty Portland State. “Didn’t we
just have an hour long sermon on
faith Pastor Dave?”
“Oh yes, it appears
that our teams this year are for the faith based, hard-core fan only,
much like a faith based Church, Lord knows, who else would stick
“A question for you
Pastor Dave, do you think that the Lord is A Dawg fan?”
“I’m uncertain Lee, I
know he cares about what is important in your life, and you do have to
be on the #1 team in the end.”
“Not sure I could ever
root for any Georgia or SC Pastor Dave.”
“So what about the
cougs Pastor Dave?”
“Well Lee, I gotta tell
“I’m thinking that
Jesus just left Pullman, and he’s headed on down for New Orleans...”
Ya’ know there just
maybe something about this faith
thing. Why just this week Craig Noble was
finally cleared for Husky
ball, now Noble was definitely testing my faith in the whole process!
Now from the mouth of Lappano himself, “Boyles did a nice job. Anthony,
No. 1, is on time for everything -- and that's where it all begins.”
There you have it folks! Why this team is getting it all together!
Why I’m startin’ to
sense a 64-ounce can of Blow-Out Whoop Ass!
Keep the faith Dawgs,
it’s Stanford for creepers sake....
I can’t even fathom a
game against Stanford being of the “must win” variety for Willingham and
the Dawgs, but there you have it folks, at times it just don’t pay to do
your own thinkin’...