Trust your guts
3 October 2008
This is Officer Lee
Still, Washington’s Most Disgusted Cop and counting....
I remember this instructor we had back during my days at the Academy. He
had always stressed this.
“Trust your guts! If it doesn’t feel right, it probably ain’t right!
Just might save your life!”
Trusting our gut instincts became a big part of our curriculum, it even
became part of our graduation ceremony, but we’re not gonna talk about
any graduation ceremonies anytime soon...
I seem to be in this reflective mood right about now, so at this time I
just happens to be reflectin’ on the day Tyrone got hired.
“Holey Crapes! Lord Dawg Almighty!” Was my initial reaction as I recall.
I fired off a flamin’ email to Todd Turner.
“A coach with pizzazz? Are you terminal? Are you off your MEDS? You
better call 911, you clearly have no pulse and your brainwaves are
MISSING!” “YOU HEAR ME!!”
A coach with ‘pizzazz’. It’s still a wonderment to me that Turner felt
that Tyrone had ‘pizzazz’. As you can probably tell I got no response
from Turner, even though my email was full of said ‘pizzazz’. I suppose
I was just leanin’ on that life-lesson from my instructor from Academy.
“Trust your guts!”
My guts are about shot.
The day before the Stanford game I was manning the chow line in ‘C’ Unit
at the jail. This new inmate approaches and he shows me his wristband so
I can cross his name off the meal count roster. He seems stable
enough...His name is Cardinal?
“Cardinal? What kinda’ name is CARDINAL?”
My guts are telling me that this is a set up by my buddies; jailhouse
humor at it’s finest. Nobody has a name like Cardinal the day before the
Stanford game. I look up at the ceiling monitor, why we’re on Candid
Camera! I decide to play along.
“Step outta’ line CARDINAL! “Officer, I don’t mean no trouble.”
“I’ve never seen any Cardinals ‘round these PARTS!”
“Are you the kinda’ Cardinal that’s a color, or are you the kinda’
Cardinal that’s a bird?
“Sir it’s just my name, I don’t mean no harm.”
“Where you from Cardinal?” “Shelton Sir.”
“SHELTON! Why there’s only two kinda’ Cardinals that comes from SHELTON!
So which one is you?”
“Come tomorrow night son, your Cardinal’s is going DOWN!!”
“Sir, you better call medical, I think I’m having an attack.”
Oh for crapes sake, this boy has no sense of humor at all. Now I’ve got
to call for back up while I escort Mr. Cardinal out to the holding cell
to await medical. Now I’ve got some splainin’ to do. Now there’ll be
reports to write, damn. Even if it’s a “near miss” you got it, there’s a
“near miss” report. DAMN! There’ll be a phone call from the Sarge.
DAMN!! I notify the control desk as to the situation and I radio Nurse
Ty. Yes folks, that is his real name, and lucky for me, Nurse Ty was
once a Fullback for the U-Dub, back in the mid 90’s.
I think my guts steered me wrong on this one...
So after about 45 minutes Nurse Ty enters my duty station. Ty hasn’t
been to Husky Stadium since his graduation ceremony, but we’re not gonna
talk about any graduation ceremonies anytime soon. Ty hasn’t even heard
of Dawgman. Ty gets most of his Husky information from me.
“So Lee, what can you tell me about Mr. Cardinal, it seems he suffered
an anxiety attack, his first one in over 8 years?”
“Well Ty. It seems Mr. Cardinal may be a big college football fan, and
with a name like Cardinal and with the Stanford game tomorrow, combined
with the stress of being incarcerated, well it just may have put the guy
over the edge.”
“Is Cardinal actually a Stanford fan Lee?”
“Oh no, I don’t think so, in fact I think he’s actually a Tybot, Ty. In
my professional opinion, this ‘Tybot’ issue may have in fact, lead to,
and could have indeed fueled his anxiety attack.”
Ty starts to laugh, “A Tybot Lee? What’s a Tybot? You giving medical
opinions now Groinman?”
“No Ty, no opinions, just the facts, you see, a Tybot is someone who supports Tyrone Willingham, some call ‘em
“Typolgist’s” or something like that. Are you a Tybot Ty?”
“I’m just a Ty, Lee. Do you think we should put this ‘Tybot’ issue in
At this time, I just want to give a big ‘Thanks’ to Nurse Ty. A Nurse at
the jail works horrendous hours, sometimes staying even longer when
needed. Ty always has a long day, because of his insane commute from
Ellensburg. We had an unrelated near inmate on inmate fatality this week
due to a stabbing with a length of steel rebar. Ty stayed past his
shift, helped the medical transport, and never bitched. After all this
was said and done, Ty went home to Ellensburg after a near 20-hour day,
only to return a few hours later.
Well it seems our boy Cardinal got fixed up just fine thanks to Nurse
Ty. Ty gave him some chill-out pills and a paper sack to breathe in. Now
Cardinal’s walkin’ around C Unit with a bag over his head.
Gonna need another talk with that boy...
Well as luck would have it, come hell or high water, I couldn’t get the
time off to attend the Stanford game. I once had a streak of 25 years
without missing a home game. I thought about calling in sick, but Sarge
knows where I’d be, and after the Cardinal issue.... But hey a good
friend wanted the tickets for him and his date, said he would pay face
value. Will he come thru with the cash? Trust your guts...
It’s a drop dead gorgeous day. I’d taken the two-wheeled torque-monster
to the jail. Coming home I remembered that I had a two-dollar off coupon
for A Papa Murphy’s Pizza. Might as well get the huge Family size, the
Red Apple store next door had 18 packs of cold ones on sale, at that
price, why not buy two? No worries, the torque monster can handle it...
It can hardly get any better that this. It’s kick-off time for Stanford.
It’s just me and my Alaskan Malamutes, Elsie and Eli, they’re cuddled up
on the “Dawg” couch in my basement bunker. I’ve got all I need, TV set,
computer, a cooler full of cool ones, a giant pizza, a toilet just a few
steps away, I just may stay here for days...
“Fouch is the better passer dad, Locker should run the option! I’m gonna
kick Spirit’s butt if he’s not back for the beavs! We just may need a
shake up at mascot! When’s the last time we had a year when even the
mascot got hurt?”
“Time for mascot change!”
that’s Eli, on the left (just a pup then), why he’s just an excitable boy, plus a big
Warren Zevon fan. Elsie above (when she was a pup), well, she’s already miffed...
So it’s a decent start for the Dawgs! We’ve seen it before, then the
realization sets in that another loss is just moments away. A failed
onsides kick seals the deal. Looking for any bit of good news, I call
out to my wife.
“Hey Gloria”. “Did Archie come over and pick up those Stanford tickets?”
“Ah, well no Lee, he said that his band got a gig at the last minute,
all the way over in Ellensburg! He said you probably know the guy, he
used to run the ball for the Huskies!”
“Nurse Ty is throwin’ a party? With a band?”
“No Lee, not anybody named Ty, it was someone with a name like Junior,
like a JR Hasty, they’re celebrating some big win at Central. Archie
hoped you could sell those Stanford tickets to our bubba next door...”
Trust your guts.
I have days when I just wish that made this stuff up....
So now it’s on down to Arizona for game five of the Tyrone Death March.
I remember traveling down to Tucson for some of those games, making a
run to Nogales and the Mexican border in the pre-game morning, beer in
ice buckets, Hooker taking it to the house on his first touch,
victories, hordes of fans in purple, team hotels, oh yes those memories,
Now, I’ll be sitting in the unfinished bunker-basement with the dogs...
But hey, can we make some heroic run with Fouch at QB? Can Locker come
out and be another weapon somewhere else? I have wanted to see Fouch at
QB with Locker in the slot or receiver or tailback, or something, yeah
probably too “outside the box’ for this staff. But you never know,
especially at 0-4.
Can the defense stop somebody? Can they stop anybody?
At this point I’d still say yes, but the only bigger homer than me is
Can we get ‘er done? Can we get anything done?
Trust your guts.
Mine are shot....
P.S. Reachin’ down into the email bag, I see a note from Scott and
Stephanie Searing. They write “Groinman, if we win I’ll be dancin’ on
the W! Watch for me!”
Oh yes I’ll be watchin’ for ya’ and I’ll be dancin’ right there with ya’
“Dancing Days Are Here Again.” But now it seems those days are
“Over The Hills And Far Away.”
Speakin’ of Zeppelin songs, I can’t see the Husky fan base standing for
anymore of “The Song Remains The Same.”
My minds eye just caught a glimpse of Tyrone singin’ “Nobody’s Fault But
I may need some help here folks....
Keep the faith Dawgs. We will dance again, the wins will come.
Now how about we get the LED out, Some more Zeppelin perhaps?
How about “Rock and Roll?”
“Been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely
Overdue in fact, Mr. Plant, sing it to Scottie and Mark...