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And A Good Time was had By Most; Bring on Nebraska!
16 September 2010

This is Officer Lee Groinman, That’s right, Washington’s most Bemused Cop.

I kinda’ like that ‘bemused’ title, it just sorta covers a plethora, dang, that’s such a complicated soundin’ word, let’s just say ‘bemused’ seems to be able to cover a butt-load of stuff.

Well that Syracuse game was something of a red-letter day. The Dawgs got off to slow, bemused? start but settled down after spotting the ‘Cuse 10 points, in thanks partly to an openin’ series drive aided by an uncalled for face mask penalty on a punt. On a punt mind you. The ball was barely snapped when out flew the flag. Drive alive, field goal good, 3-0 Syracuse.

Special teams seemed to be building on their performance from BYU…

But more on that later. Ya’ see, this was the first season in 5 years that Groinman here was gonna have a full time, paid in full Husky bud, or associate as they probably call them now. I’ve worn out all my Husky buds over the years and now none are left standing. The last few years have either seen me sitting next to an empty seat or a free loader. Empty seats are less expensive…

Yup, an old Husky Bud from a by-gone era recently got a hold of me, said he heard I had an extra season ticket, plus maybe a parkin’ pass.

“Tell ya’ what Lee, I pay ya’ face value, 350 right? For that season ticket if I can tag along with ya’ and park for free with that pass.”

“Done deal, Mr. Grass.”

So I meet Mr. Grass at the predetermined destination, 5 hours prior to kickoff. I’d bought the hysteria on parking…Mr. Grass is lookin’ like an average Husky fan, dressed in a tattered blue sweatshirt, at least it didn’t read “Seattle Sonics , Seahawks, or Sounders.” I’ll give him that.

“Tell ya’ what Lee. I’ll write you a check right now for 300 bucks, and I’ll bring the peanuts.”

No matter how hard you try, some things in life won’t change. Now if only the check is good.

We roll into E-1 about 11:25 hours, park right next to the foot bridge and the porta-potties. Perfect, porta-potties. I jump out of my Jeep open the rear door. I’m thinkin’ somebody’s helpin’ themselves to some Montlake firewood, but no, it’s not a chainsaw runnin’ wide open, it’s a gas-powered, two-stroke blender complete with a motorcycle throttle!

They didn’t give the dang thing a rest. I wonder if that little dude comes in a four-stroke… I tell them buggers they’d best be wearin’ some ear protection, they hand me a Gold Margarita…

“We’ve been here since 8 am Bud! Think we’ll make it to half-time? GO DAWGS!”

Mr. Grass was already a bit perturbed at me for this early start for a 4 pm game. “Mr. Grass, you been outta’ da’ loop, for years! This ain’t like the old days! Parkin’ gonna be a beach! Dang it Grass, not only are we minus a parkin’ lot, it’s freaking ‘Band Day!” Gonna be 5000 kids running around with blarin’ tubas and bass drums! It’s gonna be a cluster!

“You da’ man Lee.”

We coulda’ been bowling in that parkin lot for the next two hours minimum. Meanwhile, my cooler is getting lighter and those buggers had to refuel that blender…

They are now playing ‘Beer Shoes’.

“Think we’ll make it to kick-off? Go DAWGS!”

We settle into our lawn chairs and proceed to watch the show. The music they had wasn’t bad either…

A loud cheer goes up, a nicely formed young lady bends over to pick up her beanie bag. She is wearing this low cut purple Husky shirt complete with a gold ‘W’; positioned anatomically correctly across the chest. She looked real good in ‘W’. The view at Husky Stadium, always good, but never better…

At this point, my cell goes off, it’s my bookie Timmy from Reno. “We makin’ any bets this week Groinman?” 13.5 points favorite we were, still stingin’ from last week’s loss, I told Timmy that all bets were off. I then described the local scenery to the bookie Timmy.

“Well, we’ll let it go for this week Lee, just send a photo if you can.” Click…

The hostess from our neighboring tailgate strolls over to our little gathering. She’s a long legged creature, and she just helped herself and took a seat on my cooler. Not that I mind so much…

“You fellas like a brat? Why are you smiling at me like that?” “Just the sun Ma’am.” She goes on: “We have extra, where you from?” She looks at my left hand, the one holdin’ a cup, “I see you’re not Mormon.” She gives me a grin. “You boys need a refill?” And here I thought she was checkin’ my marital status…She then went on to give a 5 minute dissertation on the BYU game, she was still livid.

I like this woman! Turns out she’s from Bellingham.

‘Do you know Bhamdawg?’ I ask in shock, awe and wonder…

“You boys need a brat, let me freshen up your beverage.”

I’d just lit up my own little Smokey Joe, a Weber grill, the kind you can pick up with one hand. She had this type of a grill you tow from the back of a truck. Timing is everything…

She could cook too, brats, chicken, stuff on sticks…

“You see Mr. Grass, I told you we had to get here early.”

“You da’ man Lee, you da’ man.”

So we had a little more time to kill, well, when in Rome…

Speakin’ of getting there early. I’d been on Dawgman.com and had been reading the posts there on their insult boards, “Where reading comprehension is never required, yet seldom applied”. Seems everyone was in a lather about the soon-to-be parking crisis. I factored in that it was also the first game of the year, meaning ‘Band Day’. This smelt of melt down. But alas, nada.

There was no ‘Band Day’, just the patched together alumni band. There wasn’t even a Mascot, no Dubs. What’s up with that? I suppose one of the handler’s kids had a soccer game, of course, why certainly. Wasn’t there a TV commercial, something with Dubs about “Saturdays are made for Husky Football’? I coulda’ brought my female Malamute, Bella as an emergency fill in, I’ve fooled them before. So the parking hysteria was unwarranted, the crowd was announced at 62 thousand and change, probably exaggerated just a tad…Ya’ think?

And what about Captain Husky? Where was he? Band practice? A family wedding?

But I do believe that this week’s Nebraska game could bring the parkin’ carnage so hyped for. I understand that in other parkin’ areas the facilities where somewhat questionable, or cougaresque…

Well of course the game went fairly well, after the intial screw-ups the Dawgs go on to cover the spread, meanin’ the bet I could have made was lost, but you can never lose what you never had, some smart feller once said. Still…

Speakin’ of Syracuse, I nearly thought I aged a few years in that first quarter, what was there, three play reviews, each going the distance? Another three time outs, the penalties, and then the TV timeouts? I’m sure I grew another dozen gray hairs…

Oh, BTW, I think I might change my handle on Dawgman.com. to

 ‘Everyoneinmysectionhatesme.’

“Sit down BUDDY!” Can’t you just clap politely like the REST of US?”

Could work…

So the game was now over, time to go back to the scene of the crime, E-1 parkin’ lot. Seems the tailgate party next door was over, packed up and rollin’ they were, probably a good thing. They backed the trailer around and headed for the exit, on the way out they ran over an empty box of brews, empty except for one can it seems.

The parkin’ lot known as E-1 looks like a recycling center, run by that Allstate commercial guy, ‘Mayhem’. Bottles, cans, trash. In the early evening light Mr. Grass looks worn out. He gives me a look, something like Danny Glover in the “Lethal Weapon” movies. I suppose that makes me Mel Gibson.

“Lee, I’m getting too old for this shet.”

“What time is the Nebraska game? 12:30! When do we have to leave, Thursday? I may be coming down with some kind of syndrome.”

I always want to head out and go South on Montlake Blvd. Grinds my beans when they make you drive to damn near Everett before you can head south. I saw an open gate near the foot bridge; we jump in the Jeep and go for it, just for added emphasis I slipped the Jeep into four wheel drive. The crowds are spread from here to there. I make a zig-zag course, dodging all kinds of debri and folks to get to the gate. I’m nearly back to where I started from. One more turn and I can make the gate.

POP! SWISSHH!!!

I’d run over that last lonely full beer can, giving a group of hangers on one warm beer drenching! Thru the haze of the parkin’ lot lights I could see the golden rainbow-like shower descending like an April rain. I saw one woman trying to cover her head with her hands, maybe saving her hairdo. The suds went twenty feet in the air; at least that shower was warm…

“Sorry, would you like soap with that?

Have a safe trip home and a nice day!”

It was my dang over-grown tires that done it, otherwise I’d a missed it by that much…

Speakin’ of alcohol abuse…

Maybe I’ll change my mind, and change my dawgman handle to:

‘everyone inE-1hates me.’

But hey, I had an awesome ride home. After about 9 miles the ‘Husky Honks’ fade out on the radio, as usual. I then found this station out of Canada, played live blues all the way home…they had a John Mahal concert recorded live in Vancouver BC. Broadcast out of CBC. Awesome.

My singin’ voice was raw, shot from the game, then the cramps set it. Must remember to drink more fluids…How can that be? With all that diet coke…

Just don’t get better than this Dawg fans, yup, got home and took a nice hot shower. Then watched the replay, the game looked better on the replay, that I can tell you without a doubt.

So this week is Nebraska. Can we win? I still hear Ivan Lewis shoutin’ at the Coaches Tour. “Lee, there ain’t one team on our schedule we can’t beat! Can you name me one?”

I always like how Ivan talks…

I believe we can beat ‘em. Not with numerous unforced errors and the like, I’ll leave off the mandatory “and if we can stay healthy” quote…

You bet. It will take a COMPLETE GAME! Unlike the game we laid, er played at BYU. In most every game there are 5 plays that determine the outcome. At BYU we went 0 for 5 on those plays, gave up every last one we did. The two muffed kick-offs, the bad snap, the roughing the punter, and the blown coverage for touchdown. Now if we could get a few of those going our way?

Jake settled down against Syracuse and hit his receivers. He’ll need to do the same against the Huskers, that and start movin’. Roll him out, use his legs. Another thing, scrap that delayed hand off up the middle nonsense. That garbage hasn’t worked this entire century. It’s time to move on, besides you can see it comin’ a mile away. Kind of reminds me of Paul McCartney’s song “Smile Away”. “I could smell your feet a mile away” You think Nebraska just might smell it too? Yeah we could call that the “Smile Away Play”. That play averaged about a two yard loss against Syracuse. Against Nebraska, It just might average a four yard loss, plus a turnover or two. Can’t go there Dawg fans.

Now us Dawg fans, we need to do our part. MAKE SOME NOISE DAWGS! Nobody’s voice box should get out of that Husky Stadium alive…

DO YOU HEAR ME!

Let’s leave with a few raw vocal cords, DAWGS! Tape an aspirin to ‘em later…

Yup, this week is Nebraska, and it seems I’ll be having an extra ticket…

‘Extra Ticket Syndrome.’

GO FIGURE and GO DAWGS!!

Son’s of sunny beaches…

This morning I walked out to feed and water the dawgs, Eli and Bella. Out of nowhere the name Austin Sylvester bounced thru my bean. Omen? I’ll be lookin’ out for Sylvester come Saturday…

GRUMBLINGS: Nebraska has long been known as one of the classiest acts in College football. How about we just boo the snot out of those corn bags as they dare to come out of the tunnel? I remember when we played Nebraska back in Lincoln on September 21st back in 1991. A sweet Husky victory, and how the crowd applauded as the clock expired. Nearly brings chills down my spine to this day… Dang, I’d just gotten married, the Dawgs had a bye on the previous Saturday and we were still on our honeymoon. The ‘Honeymoon Game’ as it’s become known around our place. Let’s see, honeymoon, bye weeks, and Nebraska? That would mean that sometime this week was my weddin’ anniversary! That would tend to ‘splain some of the things going on around the Groinman house this past week with the Mrs….

Yup, I think it was Tuesday…Come on Sark let the honeymoon roll.

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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