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Washington's most content cop

This is Officer Lee Groinman. That’s Right, Washington’s Most Content Cop…

Sounds sorta’ like a cow, now doesn’t it? But hey, I was already the Most Satisfied Cop last week, so what ya gonna do? Nothing has changed. The Husky Basketballers rolled the Oryguns, and that always feel good, setting team records for consecutive Pac 10 wins in a row. And counting….

Now James Sample announces the Dawgs as his college choice at that High School prima donna game, some more exposure.

My Eastern Washington Eagles take home a National Championship Trophy by defeatin’ Joe Biden’s Delaware Blue Hens in Frisco Texas in Pizza Hut Stadium. Sounds kinda like a joke does it not? I mean I can’t lie here in these here stories of mine, so I gotta tell ya this.

I had never heard of ‘Frisco’ Texas. And what in tarnation is a ‘Blue Hen’?  Who would name their athletic team the Blue Hens? Might as well call yerselves the ‘Cute Chicks’. Holy Crapes. No wonder Biden is a Blue Hen, it all seems to make sense now, things are much clearer now. Them Blue Hens didn’t look all that cute to me. But hey the media folks was all over that Blue Hen stuff. I was amazed they even pronounced Cheney right and they even knew it was ‘by Spokane’. They also knew ‘Frisco Texas was ‘by Dallas’. Well it seems they one upped me there…

I suppose that’s why they make the big bucks, and I’m writing from prison…

“Pizza Hut Stadium”? Combo vs. pepperoni. Now if only Ivar Haglund was still alive…

Yup, Eastern without a doubt probably played the best second half of college football ever played on the face of the Earth. Why I nearly turned that sucker off at half time being down 19-0 and all.

Now I never give scores out in my stories, but this bit is about Eastern, so I suppose it’s okay…

Eastern scores in the third quarter to make it 19-6. Everybody, even those ‘experts’ in the booth were relieved that now little Eastern had scored and would not suffer the embarrassment of being shut out. Then the poor over matched Eagles get greedy and go for two. Go for two in the third quarter? I grabbed my remote control to increase the volume.

 “Are you guys nuts?”

Eastern has had trouble running the ball all night, and they would still be having trouble into next week against Delaware’s DL.  Delaware been belch-slapping the Eastern runnin’ attack at will. So Eastern tries to fool them and run for it on the two pointer.

Belch-slap. Score remains 19-6.

Nearly cost me another remote too, against my undefeated wall…

Yup, in the greatest quarter and a half of football ever played on the face of a Football loving God’s green Earth. Eastern wins 20-19. The media ‘experts’ in the booth blamed it on the blocked PAT on Delaware’s first TD. The Delaware coaching staff and VP Biden blamed it on that fourth down mark. First time I’d ever seen the booth replay a spot of the ball. They better practice this act a few more times before they try it again. Seems in this division in play-off games, replay can be used to spot the ball. Eastern had a 4th and short late in the game. Needed 6 points for the tie, clock running out. Eastern figures they’d fool them again and run the ball. First down by about 6 inches. I thought it was closer than that. Move the chains! First down Eagles!

The booth calls for a replay, the chains have been moved! EWU couldn’t get a play off in time. As an Eagle alum, I knew the ball would be moved back and come up short, game over, Delaware wins, boys in the booth, most the crowd, and Vice President Biden all go home happy.

But no! First down by a quarter of an inch!

Delaware calls another time out. They want the chains adjusted, again, so they did…

Holy crapes. All momentum gone…still a first down…

Eastern’s Bo Levi Mitchell throws for another first down. Then tosses his third TD pass deep in the end zone for the tying score. PAT good, 20-19 Eastern. I always like a quarterback with the name of Bo Levi. I’m thinkin’ I just may name my next Malamute dawg Bo Levi…

That Bo Levi can throw the ball, got hisself a 6’5 receiver too, smooth. Eastern’s top back was out with a broken foot.

The game came down to a 4th and 10 for the mighty Blue Hens? Pass complete for 9 yards, the whole nine yards came up a yard short. Eastern National Champs!

Of course we’ll be seeing that Bo Levi in Husky Stadium for next year’s home opener. The wife Gloria says she just may make me a purple and red shirt for that very game, if I can behave and all. But hey, if not, Eastern has some real nasty looking Championship hats ant tees. Just may get me some of those. Husky gear, the stuff that I see, generally looks so girly for my tastes…

I do of course wear my purple, just so limited. I’m thinkin’ of startin’ my own line of Husky Gear, ya’ know maybe some manly stuff, some stuff with the ketchup and mustard stains already built in, with a bottle opener…”Groinman Gear”. With a compass and a flashlight…

Don’ look now, but even the Seahawks got into the act. Limping in as Division champs with the infamous losing record they knock off the defending Super Bowl Champs, the New Orleans Saints!

Gotta say this. It felt pretty good to see that ol Reggie Bush get his last Saturday, oh sure he’s a Pac 10 guy, I suppose I should root for him. NOT.

Which brings me to tonight’s match up. Ducks and Eagles. Pac 10 vs. SEC. Whatcha’ gonna do?

Oh sure, pull for the Pac, western pride versus east coast bias, those guys in the booth…

All that stuff…

I generally pull for the Pac 10 teams, unless of course it’s the cougs, I wanted to see the cougs break the all-time consecutive loss record, just to irritate my coug friends and relatives. And then I can’t root for anything in LA. Plus I don’t like that Erickson fella down at ASU, and Arizona is just flat out psycho, so take them both off my list. Stanford’s a bunch of snobbish softies so screw them. Then I never liked Oregon State since Jake took that late hit in Reser ‘Corn dog’ Stadium, and the wife Gloria’s a Beav, can’t go there. California is a bunch of fruit loops so they can go stuff it, plus they took some of my recruits, so they can go stuff it twice…

That leaves me with Orygun…

Did I tell you I’m an Eastern Eagle?



Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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