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Better Lucky than Good; I’ll Take Both…

This is Officer Lee Groinman, That’s Right, Washington’s Most Luckiest Cop…

A smart ol’ feller once told me that everything happens for a reason, they just don’t tell ya’ till later…

Ya’ know, I had that ear surgery awhile back and my hearing is improving bit by bit. I’ve got me a new bionic ear, made out of stainless steel and titanium.

“We have the technology, we can rebuild him.” Funny how Lee Majors, the ‘Bionic Man’ is now hawkin’ hearing devises…

So I’m getting prepped up for that surgery laying there on that dang gurney, wearin’ one of those gawd-awful hospital gowns, nekked underneath and even more nekked from the backside…

I got these two female nurses, young’uns too, one is trying to start an IV in my arm and the nother one is trying to take my blood pressure…

Now neither of these two fair ladies is having any luck, I have that effect on the women folk, and they knew I was nekked too, they told me I had to ‘be that way’. Well the one nurse trying to start the IV just missed my vein and popped the dern thing. The other nurse is slapping the blood pressure machine, like it’s an old black and white TV set, the thing seems to be on the fritz. “This thing can’t be right!”

“Here, let me help you with that belligerent monster, I’ll fix that bugger!” I roll over to get my paws on the offendin’ machinery…

“Now just a minute there Mr. Groinman, let’s not go there!”  She grabs the gown  back over my behind side and pulls up the blanket.

 “That wasn’t pretty…”

Well the medication was taking effect and I figured I might as well help out if I could…

As it turns out the dern blood pressure machine was doing its job just fine, I on the other hand was not. My blood pressure was 216 over 122 with a resting pulse of 48. These numbers were off the charts!

“Mr. Groinman! These numbers are off the charts!” “I heard that!”

They were gonna call off the surgery due to my eye-poppin’ numbers. But then they pumped some other high tech drug in me which made everything seem kinda’ funky and slooooow, kinda’ like an NCAA investigation, but at this point I did not actually care, as by now both nurses were now cute and that one kept talking about my numbers, she finally got the best of me, and I gave her both my home and cell phone’s…

“Hey nursey! Are these gowns see-through??” Just askin’…

Well, so now they have me on these blood pressure medicines and they’re testing my blood, looking for any other abnormalities. This is what gives me the heebie-jeebies, who knows what they’ll come up with.

Luckily, I won’t know until after the Eastern game…

So my doctor, Dennis ‘Chainsaw’ McCullough says I should lay off anything strenuous for a spell, don’t get excited, take life easy, don’t get emotional…no football, ugh…

“Lee, it’s football season isn’t it?”

“Almost.”

“You got tickets, right?”

“Well kinda’”. “What do you mean kinda’?”

“It’s not like I have them with me, they’re on the kitchen counter…”

“Holy mother of Dawgs!”

“Look Chainsaw! It’s the Eastern game! My alma mater! It’ll never happen again! UW will never play Eastern after this, well, at least not until 2014!”

 “And the game after this is the Hawaii game, right Lee? I suppose you’re gonna tell me you graduated from Hawaii too?”

“No, Chainsaw. I was only at the University of Hawaii for one year. This is kinda’ like Alumni Association Week for me.”

Holy MOTHER of DAWGS!!

“Lee, you’re gonna go anyway, just take those meds, we’re gonna double the dose, just take it easy.”

Yup, Chainsaw says I would have popped my cork at the Eastern game with blood pressure numbers like mine. Couldn’t think of a better place to go, Husky Stadium, while the Dawgs played my Eastern Eagles…

Yup, Washington’s Most Luckiest Cop….

And now I get invited to meet the President, no, not the “O” one, the new one, as in Michael K. Young, new President of the University of Washington.

Just living the dream folks

I get invited to the DeAtley Estate up on ‘Scenic Drive’. People pay extra just to have ‘Scenic Drive’ on their mailbox. “Look Gloria”, I says to the wife,” it says ‘Valet parking’. We better take the Jeep, lock in the 4-wheel drive…Hey! Maybe we should take our dawg Bella, she’s malamute, don’t suppose they have any malamute mascots up there on ‘Scenic Drive,’ give Bella a chance to get her paw in the door, so to speak…”

Why I got so excited that I moseyed on down to the co-op to buy me a new pair of Sunday-Go-To-Meetin’ pants. Yup, got me a new pair of carhartt’s…Yes Sir.

Now I had never seen a place like this, not even in the movies, place was a block long, grand pianos, chandeliers, marble floors, house made of stone, water fountains everywhere, swimming pools, hot tubs, columns, food, oyster shooters, oysters on the half shell all served by pretty ladies in spiked heels, why I didn’t know which wine to drink with an oyster shooter so I took both kinds…

Now here he is, the President himself!

He’s the guy in the blue shirt. He’s got a diet root beer in his hand, no shooters…

Some folks were taking odds on who would be the first to fall in the pond. Heard I was a 3-1 favorite…

Let me tell ya folks, I was a little bummed when President Emmert left, on account of we were from the same town and all, but this guy, this Michael K. Young guy is the real deal, a straight shooter if there ever was. He gave a 30 minute talk just right off the cuff, no notes, no tele-prompters, just shootin’ from the hip.

The President speaks…

“Taking this job was the classic no-brainer. The University of Washington has no equal in America. When you consider academic rankings, research grants, and the level of donation, there is no equal. The UW is the 16th rated University in the entire world. There is a passion at this University that you just don’t find anywhere else. People talk about Stanford; well Stanford is for Stanford people, Palo Alto. Washington is for the State of Washington and the students from across this country and the world.”

“Washington was the only University in America that saw its donation level actually increase last year. That’s the passion I’m talking about. Why there’s Bill Douglas, Bill, if we have trouble at quarterback this year, I’m calling on you!”

“I’m there COACH!” A voice from the back calls out.

“That’s what I’m talking about! The passion.” The President continues…

“I’d been on the job six days. In the first twenty minutes I’d seen where I could save 15 million, if only they’d let me.”

“Could you be our next governor too?” I yell from my front row table.

Yup, folks we done good, we got us a good man, a real good man…

I got to talkin’ with our new President a bit later. I told him that Utah is now the only Stadium in the Pac 12 that I have not been to. I’ve gone to Colorado before, and even BYU. He says Utah is a beautiful Stadium right up against the mountains. “Is it tough for visitors to get a ticket?” I asks.

“Shouldn’t be Lee; just let me know if you have any difficulties, I may know someone…”

Ya’ just got to love a party like this…

The party now over, we mingled out to the marble entrance way, then the Valet girl showed up with our rig. “How do you shift this thing?”

One the way home, Gloria reaches over and scratches my thigh with her purple-coated fingernail. The radio is playin’ Journey’s “Any Way You Want It” lead sing Steve Perry then goes into “Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’”. The moon is a slight crescent, the stars are bright. Could be an even more special night…

“Look Lee, seems you made a big impression with Mr. DeAtley. He was at a TYEE board meeting today and said they could use a guy like you.” With that Gloria reached into her blouse and pulled out Mr. DeAtley’s card. “He wants you to call him in the morning.”

“Me? on the TYEE Board!”

“No, they need someone for parking lot security…”

“Don’t forget your pill Lee.”

Well now, looks like there’s been some recruiting news. Seems ol’ Walker Williams and Caleb Smith made some commitments. What was this noise about ‘taking all my trips’? Things change I suppose…

I may just become a Notre Dame fan come the first of October. Hate to lose a guy from my own backyard to another UW, that just don’t set right…At least Caleb Smith went to Oregon State, not the duck. Playing time could be an issue at our UW…Rememberin’ WSU’s Gino Simone…

Meanwhile the mess at Oregon continues. I wouldn’t mind seeing it stretch out some. Stretch out the stench so to speak. The investigation itself can throw a monkey wrench into recruiting. The same thing happened at USC. That top rated All-American tackle from Saint Paul, Minnesota, Seantrel Henderson jilted the Trojans before the sanctions even hit. Yup, he enrolled at Miami instead.

Hey Seantrel, how’s that workin’ out for ya’? Yup, life is all about choices. Could have been a gopher…

Yup, I’m truly blessed. If I hadn’t broke down and finally got my ear fixed, I would not have known of my stage two hypertension blood pressure, the chart didn’t go high enough for me, now the blood pressure is simply stage one. I’ll find out the rest of my miseries next week. For now, it’s time for Eastern and Hawaii, I get to see them both go down, and down hard. And with new bionic hearin’! Eat, drink and be merry…

Yup, I’m living the classic Roger Daltrey and the Who song.

“I can Hear for Miles and Miles.”

Heard one feller on the message boards, he felt that this was the worst fall camp injury wise that he could have imagined. Take a pill buddy. I thought the news of Semisi Tokolahi near total recovery was ‘off the charts’. Yeah Alameda Ta’amu broke a bone in his hand, but it’s only a little one, and Chris Polk got a knee scoped.

I hear they’ll be fine. That’s what bionic hearing does for ya’…

Polk gets 200 yards, and gets benched at half-time, or whichever comes first. Ta’amu ruins the Eastern offensive line and game plan. I was a complete Eastern homer out-of-control for the championship game against Delaware. Down 19-0 at halftime, Eastern dropped the run and went totally thru the air. Eastern couldn’t run the ball against Delaware?  It’ll be ugly against Ta’amu and co. But they can throw the ball. Gotta like a quarterback named Bo Levi. Just may name my next dawg Bo Levi…

Take the Huskies and the 18 points, another classic no-brainer

Right Mr. President?

DO YOU HEAR ME!!

Some fella’s are still belly-achin’ about the team being young ya’, hear it every year. Well I’ll tell ya’ this; I’d rather have a young, talented, strong and fast team than an older, not so much team.

Good Dawg Almighty! Nearly can’t wait for a goal line stand. Crichton, Lagafuaina, Shelton, Ta’Amu, Tokolahi, Thompson. Shirley from the edge…

GRUMBLINGS; I watched last year’s Cal game last night, the one where we won the last game in Cal’s old house. Well I hear the news about Oregon is starting to leak out, even some of the national media types are on to them and how Cal behaves. You know;

The Ducks do not win in Husky Stadium this year, who do you think we are - the Cal Bears?

So, a new season! What better way to kick it off than with a new DAWG!

Meet Waylah, our FEATURED DAWG OF THE WEEK!

356KB. Click to Enlarge.  36KB. Click to Enlarge. 349KB. Click to Enlarge.

Waylah is a young female ready for duty now, running, walking, keeping ducks out of the yard, rides well in cars. Waylah does it all. Comes complete with purple leash…

Waylah and her pals can be seen at www.wamal.com. Ready for adoption now!

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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