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As Butch and Sundance Once Mused; “Who Are Those Guys?”

This is Officer Lee Groinman. That’s right, Washington’s Most Relieved Cop…

Relieved to be walkin’ out of Husky Stadium upright with a ‘W’, that is.  I was wearin’ a purple Husky shirt in that last minute victory over the feisty Eastern Eagles.  As I am an Eagle Alum, I had ‘EWU” stitched in bold red letters across the backside.

I’m holdin’ down court in the Northlake Tavern and Pizza House, it’s still hours before the game, proudly wearin’ my purple-n-red hybrid shirt…

“You look a bit confused Mister?”

Says a patron who got to the Northlake Tavern a bit too early…

“Why from the backsides of ya’, I could swear you wuz an Eagle fan, now from the front-sides, you look like you’s a Husky. Birds and Dawgs, they just don’t fly, if you catch my drift.”

“So what’s it gonna be Mister, you a Bird with feathers or a Dawg with fur?”

“I’m an Eastern Alum, but a Dawg from birth.” He looks disgusted. “Need to make up your mind Mister, Eastern’s gonna’ get butt-slapped today, that Bo Levi Mitchell is a piece of left-over Mustang slop.”

“Tell ya’ what Butch. I’ve got a twenty, if you’ve got the spread”. Butch pauses for a pregnant momento…

“Need to make up your mind, Mister…”  Butch is thinkin’ now…

“Just like a feathered fan to need 18 points to make a twenty dollar bet, you should be ashamed.” For the first time the crusty bugger made sense. “You’re right Butch, I nearly broke my own rule. “Rules, what rules?”

We don’t need no stinking rules for a stinking bar bet!”

“My rules are always the same Butch, visiting team gets 7 points.” Another pregnant pause…

“Need to make up your mind, Mister Butch…”

The barkeep keeps our twenties in an envelope behind the bar, winner gets envelope…

Now then, who were the Einstein’s on the message boards proudly proclaiming that Bo Levi Mitchell was a second rate backup quitter from a second tier Texas school. You know, there’s only two things that comes from Texas, queens and steers, and of course a second rate beer…

I tried to tell ‘em that Bo Levi would be the best quarterback on the field when Eastern came to town. Bo Levi just maybe the best QB we see all year, on a par with Andrew Luck I tell them. Now of course, I become the complete idiot. I’m sure I made a few ‘ignore’ buttons pop.

Here we got Bo Levi Mitchell, a guy with a National Championship in his hip pocket. Our Husky, Keith Price, has been in a close battle to be named the starter over Nick Montana.

Price is making his second career start, his first at home. Bo Levi just put another shine on his National Championship MVP award…

Bo Levi, or Keith Price?

I knew Bo Levi Mitchell would be good. I, unlike most Dawg fans had actually watched the National Championship game against Delaware. Down 19-0 at the half, Eastern abandoned the run and went pass-happy for the second half. They then took the National Championship trophy all the way back to Cheney. They then took the same second half game plan all the way to Seattle and Husky Stadium…

Now last year, Eastern had a lucky horseshoe tacked to their butt. The horseshoe finally fell to the ground as Desmond Trufant stole the Eagle dream on the north sideline of the end zone.

But Eastern will get up and ride that horse again. They’ll be stompin’ like a yet-to-be-cut steer, right thru the land of the Big Sky…

Now our Dawgs on the nother hand has a bit of work to get done. They need to Git-Er-Done now! Before the Eastern game started I had this lady Dawg/EWU fan tap me on the shoulder. She was takin’ notice of my “EWU” bold red letters on my backside of my purple Husky shirt. “Are you an Eastern fan too? Do you want them to win?”

“No ma’am. Not really. I want Eastern to play well, and look good. They can win the Big Sky and make the playoffs. The Huskies need this win to keep bowl hopes alive.”

Truer words ever spoken?

So now it’s on to week two of my college reunion tour. Yup, I graduated from Eastern, but before Eastern, I had been at the University of Hawaii, back in the day. At this time I would like to thank Mr. Bayou Scott ‘Woody’ Woodward, or whoever the hell it was that scheduled my two schools to play in the first two weeks of September. Thanks guys, I really do appreciate it…

Nope, at this time, I don’t think I’ll be stitchin’ up any green and bold “UH” letters across my purple shirt…that was close…

Hawaii is another pass-happy team. This scares some folks. Now I see it different, surprised? Coach Sark was not amused at the team’s performance against EWU. Coach Holt did not have his go-to-happy-place face on. I think it starts with having your defensive secondary in the same zip code as the receivers. And once you’re there do something about it! Another thing, Hawaii’s receivers are about a foot shorter than Easterns…

Yup, both Coach Sark and Holt are not happy campers this week. I’m thinkin’ that maybe the entire coaching staff gets their collective blood-pressure worked up for this week of practice.

We’ll be fine…

Can anything be more pass-happy than Eastern’s 69 attempts? Thought I might expire in that hot Husky September sun…

Lord have mercy…

Speakin’ of expiring and hot Husky sun. I had that appointment with my Doc for that blood pressure of mine. Well, Doc Dennis ‘Chainsaw’ McCullough quadrupled my dosage and gave me a beta blocker. Turns out I had low potassium (not the first time, and oh how I do remember those shingles) and my vitamin D was non-existent. So Chainsaw prescribed a mega vitamin D pill, get this, 50,000 units, that’s thousands, no typo. I take one every 15 days…Sorta’ a big pill, looks somewhat like a rabbit turd…

I says to the wife Gloria on the way to see Chainsaw and have my blood test results read. “One thing fer sure Gloria, it ain’t the vitamin D. That ain’t the problem, I spend way too much time in the sun for any deficiency in that kinda’ department…

Once again, caught up in doin’ my own thinkin’…

Another oddity, I found out about my blood pressure problems just because of my ear surgery. Would have never known. But the strange thing is, that at Freddy Meyers, they have this blood pressure machine right out in front of the pharmacy. You can self- check yourself right there, only takes a minute, painless. In the past dozen years I have walked past that little machine thousands of times, never knowin’ I was a walkin’ time-bomb.

Now, thanks to Dennis ‘Chainsaw’ McCullough, my blood pressure has been as low as 137 over 71 with a low pulse rate of 42. That’s a drop of over 120 points! Then it goes back up of course…We’re a work in progress, just like ol’ Rick Neuheisel always said. Speakin’ of Neuheisel and the blame game, I might as well blame Neuheisel and his 2000 Husky team for these blood-pressure pleasures. All those fourth quarter heroics by Marques Tuiasosopo and the Rose Bowl win. Thought I might need a pill bottle way back then…Only thing is, I was thinkin’ of Tums, or maybe a Rolaid or four.

Well, at this rate, I just may live to see another game or two…

Whatta’ ya’ say the next time you walk by one of those blood pressure-machines how ‘bout you just park your carcass there for a spell and find out? I know what you’re thinkin’.

You don’t need no stinkin’ blood-pressure machines

Yup, I thought they were only for old farts, not guys like me who run for an hour then hit the weights…

Don’t get so caught up in doin’ your own thinkin’…Bo Levi was a scum-bag, remember?

How about you get that blood-pressure checked on the bye-week. Takes only a minute, no charge, no pain…

DO YOU HEAR ME?

Did I say Bye-Week? I got married on a bye. Must have an anniversary comin’ up. Dang…

Some say the UW had a vanilla offense for EWU, some said a vanilla defense, could be so. Some say inexperience. Just don’t take me to that ‘youth’ crutch. “Youth’ is just another excuse wasted on the young…

Eastern just ran their ’22 special’ offense to perfection. A ‘22’ offense? Yup, Eastern got the ball off in 2.2 seconds. Hawaii not so quick, I’m hopin’ they run a ‘44’...

Hawaii is not as tough as Eastern. But I’m still not wearin’ no stinkin’ Hawaii hybrid shirt, Momma didn’t raise no fool…and no Lei’s either, Butch…

Well, for this Hawaii game, I’ll be stickin’ with my original rule, visiting team gets 7 points. Don’t think I’d go near the over and under on this one. No Sir…

DO YOU HEAR ME!

Out in back of the NorthLake Tavern, just prior to the big twenty dollar pay-off…Was a stunnin’ sunset, but some jerk-arse took the photo…

GO DAWGS!

GRUMBLINGS; UW will improve, and make no mistake; Eastern is good, damn good. Bo Levi could start just about anywhere, except probably Stanford. But a guy named Bo Levi ain’t going to no Stanford anyway…Foget about it…

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Lee Grionman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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