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San Diego State: a Party Brought To You by Larry…

This Is Officer Lee Groinman; That's Right Washington's Most Disturbed Cop...

The year was 1978, nearly 35 years ago, the last time this disturbed one failed to view a Husky Home-Opener. As a season ticket holder for 30 years, my butt has always been in the seats, yeah, with but one exception, even then I was able to catch the game on TV, 1981 I believe it was…

But hey! Now it’s 2012 and Lee here has Satellite TV! DISH Network no less…

But with budget cuts and staffing the way it is, I can't even take a vacation day to go catch the home-opener with San Diego State. My Sarge says we have no replacement for a guy like myself, so I can’t get the day off. Surely in this day and age of Satellite TV and cable, stream-linin' and what-not, you'd be able to catch a game, any game, pay the price, just name it. But NOO!!

Thanks to Larry Scott and his Pac 12 Network, I'll be watchin' this year’s Husky home opener with San Diego State on the radio. Just like me and the neighborhood fellas did back in the early sixties in our old tree fort with the transistor radio…

Only now I don't have no stinkin' tree-fort...

Only the basement bunker, or Man-Cave as some would call it. Poor radio reception down there, what with all the re-enforced rebar in the concrete walls. Need to stock the supply cabinet too...

And maybe build me that tree-fort...

Yup, for the first time since Ronald Reagan, I won’t be seein’ a Husky Home-Opener…

Technology, gotta’ love it…No TV. Could be good for ticket sales, is that the rub?

Some would say just go to a pub and watch the game. Easier said than done, the coug and duck infested dives around my place only get two channels: ‘Monster Truck’ and ‘Bass Fishin’

And cable is no option up here the mountain country, cable fears to tread these wild roads and primitive backcountry, nada…

Don't know who I'd like to bust more, my Sargent or Larry Scott. Guess I'd have to go with Larry, besides, they'd be some serious consequences and repercussions for bustin’ up a Sarge, well, it ain't really Sarge’s fault anyway, but that Larry C. Scott, I can fix blame squarely on that pompous mug of his...Yes Sir…

Last year Larry blessed me with him putting my Huskies in the North, or Polar region. Some have called it the Bi-Polar region, but whatever flips your trigger...Yup, Larry saw fit that both newcomers, Utah and Colorado should be placed in the Southern Region with the cool kids. Colorado had alumni in the LA area don’t ya’ know…And The Bay Area’s  got to keep their rivalry with the beautiful people of LA...Meanwhile us Northerners got to keep our traditional rivalry game with our sod-buster cousins. Oh yeah, and let's just move that Apple Cup game to the Friday after Thanksgiving. An 8 am time slot just may come available...November Twenty-Something in Pullmania…Holy Crapes…

It shivers me timbers to think of what wonders of wonders the wonderful Larry Scott has in store for me next year...

Speakin' of Pirates.  I just might add the cougs and BYU to my bettin' pool this week...

Oh, and Lord Have Mercy! If this Larry Scott and work bidness wasn't bad enough, our Administrative Assistant (must be capitalized don't ya' know) she comes up to my duty station at work yesterday, yup, here she comes all glamorous and all in her finery, as if to rub it in that my weekend vacation to the Husky game was denied...

I couldn't even make this one up folks...

Here she is, this big ol' fat chick, no tattoos either, what else could ya' want fellas??

She's wearin this triple XL bright red crimson coug shirt, that and with an oversized Oregon Duck shoulder bag! Stuffed to over-fill with God-Knows-What…Just when you think you’ve seen it all…

Crimson red and puke green…

Now I've seen a lot in this business, and it takes a lot to shock me folks, but I had no words to combat that visual horror...I was stammered, stammered to the point of stammerization…

"Could you just please go and stand next to that holding cell for a photo op?" I asks this Administrative Assistant...

"But why Lee?"  "Because trust me, nobody’s  gonna’  believe this!"

They say Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

So I'm putting my money on BYU…well, most of it…

And the Dawgs. Last I looked these Dawgs were 14.5 favorites. Seems a bit on the light side…

Speakin’ of ducks, Groinman here has a little prediction on the sanctions. Nuthin’ gonna happen this week…patience is a virtue fellas…

I really don’t see San Diego State stopping Keith Price and this Husky offense one bit. I think we may stop ourselves on the occasion, like we’ve never seen that before, but really folks, these Dawgs should hang 50 on the Aztecs. Just might catch a glimpse of Derrick Brown at quarterback too. I like that kid. The new kids on the block, QB’s Jeff Lindquist and Cyler Myles will get their red-shirts…

The offensive line will be the best we’ve seen since the Slickster left town. Gettin’ Colin Tanigawa back was huge, but expected in my book. Erik Kohler gave us all a scare on the very first day of fall camp by popping out his knee cap, but ya’ know, that kid just likes to do stuff like that… Drew Schaefer is Steady Schaefer, Ben Riva is gonna open some eyes, and my favorite - James Atoe, goes Beast-Mode, and from the two-deeps mind you…

Bishop Sankey and Jesse Callier will both top a hundred yards against these Aztecs. Willis Wilson, AKA ‘Dub-Dub’ will get some carries.  Not many see it comin’, but here she is folks. Some smash-mouthed Husky football coming to a Stadium near you…

And no, this won’t be any dad-burned repeat of that ‘Basketball-on-grass’ Alamo Bowl, brought to you by ‘Weed-n-Feed’. No sir!

Now this San Diego squad can put up some points, and won’t it be fun to see good ol’ Ryan Katz again, welcome to Seattle Ryan, gonna be a good show, maybe the best home-opener in recent memory, well wait, there was that Eastern game…

Speakin’ of which, why it does concern me some, what with our interchangeable safeties and Linebackers, smallish on the outside, but fast…

Why these here Dawgs are gonna play some DEFENSE!! The Dawgs defense are gonna show more packages that a strip-mall Santa!

We gonna party like its 1984! They gonna play ‘Holt-lessly! Fire at will folks! Some say that this new defense will be innovative…well I hope it’s not as innovative as the Pac 12 Network. Guess I’m just an old-school type guy. Give me Root Sports or FOX any day. Why I wouldn’t even care if Laverne and Shirley were the commentators…

Gonna be Shaq Thompson’s first game too, The Shaq. I see he’s gonna be returning kick-offs.

Probably take the first one to the house…

Too bad I won’t be there to see it with ya fellas.

Got me a tree-fort to go throw up…

Now you go on and open up a 40 ounce can of Home Opener Whoop-Ass and let ‘er RIP!!

Think I’ll just go and have a tail-gate in my own yard, complete with ALL the trimmings with the Jeep and my Malamute Bella. That’ll impress the neighbors. Especially that demented one with ‘ZERO’ sticker in the truck window.  Darn fools…

Yup, we got Rondeau on the radio, here in Jeep country…

GO DAWGS!!               

Have a seat Larry; make yourself at home!  Never mind the chainsaw….

“Nothin’ says I Love you like a wind sock.”-Dawgman.

PS. Some of you may remember my ol’ buddy Mikey, AKA ‘Deputy Mikey’. Mikey suffered a serious stroke back in mid-July. He has been in a coma ever since, has not uttered a word. So un Mikey like. He is currently in a rehab center in Idaho. The blood-pressure got the best of him. He will never be the same. Prayers and thoughts are welcomed by the family.  How about we all get that blood-pressure checked before kick-off? Just a thought…

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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