This is Officer Lee Groinman. That’s right, Washington’s Most Disgusted Cop. Plain and simple…

It’s been awhile since the word ‘disgusted’ got tossed around here, long overdue if ya’ ask me…

You know ya’ get these silly notions in your head, then after a while, they start to make sense. Notions such as bad calls will eventually even out (still waiting), and another, the dawgs are overdue for a break out game, maybe even a road game win. Then notions such as Austin Seferian-Jenkins will play and even get the results like the projected first round draft pick that he is in fact predicted to be. These are the type of notions that come in and take root in your brain…

And these are the types of roots that can run deep…

Mercy sakes…

And my favorite notions. Jim Mora’s luck is gonna run out and the football Gods are gonna take notice…And Sark is now long overdue for a signature win, his time is now…

It makes sense. So I’m now I’m set up like a bowling pin, I’m ready for the ‘big game’. The BIG WIN! And the results are now in…

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4909685698986274&w=207&h=207&c=8&pid=3.1&qlt=90&rm=2

Relax Charlie Brown, girls will do that. But this is football dang-nab-it…

The game is supposed to be fair. But as we all know, that ain’t often the case…

Nobody can accuse the Dawgs of being quick starters on the road. Last Saturday was yet another fine example. A turnover on the third play of the game, a quick Ucla score. The second drive results in yet another quick turn over, and another quick score. Two turnovers by two of the ‘best’ UW players…

Then the UW’s starting QB Keith Price is knocked out of the game before half-time. Cyler Miles gets thrown into action on the road without having thrown one ball in live action. Now whose fault is that Sark?? Not one pass…

Speakin’ of Keith and Cyler. I’d go with a healthy Cyler Miles, rather than a half beat-up Keith Price…But I wouldn’t let Beaver Coach Mike Riley know anything before kick-off. It’s a game day decision there Mike…

Oh yes, just one more thing for now, a nice TD called back by another phantom call. There’s 21 points right there, and we lose by 10.

So now the Pac-12 office informs Coach Sark that this ‘phantom’ hands-to-face call on Dexter Charles should not have been called. So what’s the deal? Do we get to put the seven points back on the board? Maybe replay the second half?

No and no. The official to blame won’t even get a letter in his file, and Larry Scott will cash yet another paycheck…So sick of it all…

By now I’m wonderin’ if the football Gods are even awake in the Pacific Time Zone…

Oh sure, we had plenty of stupid penalties, legit calls alright, like gettin’ our fingers stuck in bruin face masks, on third down no less. It’s enough to drive ya’ bat-sick…How do you do that?

I think the play that really popped my cork was the forced fumble on third down which we didn’t recover, and ended up giving Ucla an additional 12 yards, and yet another first down.

I just can’t go there right now folks…

The UW big road games are a classic study. Take Stanford, the UW gives up the opening kick-off for a TD. The margin for victory is already on the board with 12 seconds played.

Against Ucla, the two quick turnovers result in a near instantaneous 14-0 lead. We end up losing by 10, but in reality the game was already over before the first potty break…

These boys just aren’t ready at kick-off, their brains are just set a little slow. Maybe it’s the change back to Standard Time.

The solution?

Set their clocks and watches ahead 15 minutes. Sark’s too…

Never under estimate the easy and quick fixes fellas…

You may or may not want to try these quick fixes at home guys, it may work on some women, but not all. Besides, I’ve now retired from my marriage counseling gig…the results were questionable at best. But I thought I done purty darn good on most of those train wrecks…

Speakin’ of train wrecks, this year’s bi-annual wreck in Pasadena came to another fitting end. Too little, too late, too much ground lost, way too early…

But the two early turnovers? Now that was just good football on Ucla’s part, not so much good football on ours, but good head’s up play. Ya’ gotta be ready for stuff like that…The boys played hard, I’ll give them that.

But once again, the UW was not ready. Time for more clue cards…

Now where was I? Oh yes, Oregon State, my how I do digress…

The Oregon State Beavers find themselves in a similar boat as ours. They need to win to get a Bowl game. Let’s hope those beavs chew a whole in their boat and we bring down one our National Champion Crew shells. Those crew shells are made out of aluminum don’t ya’ know…

But those Beavos. I remember taking the old retired ‘Paddy Wagon’ down to Corvallis for the bi-annual beat down of the lowly Beav, a rodent don’t ya’ know…

We used to camp the Paddy Wagon right down next to the Willamette River, right in the middle of town.

All these Beaver fans would walk by and look down and wonder what that Paddy Wagon was doing down next to the river…

“Who are those guys?”

Yup, those were the days, nothin’ but fun and a low-pressure football game followed by more good food and even more fun.

Now, these days, a trip to Corvallis resembles an old Rolaids TV commercial. “Rolaids Moment Number 49’ or whatever…

It just seems that nothin’ can come easy these days…go figure…

And that Beav Coach, Mike Riley, another guy like Jim Mora that could have possibly been the UW Coach. He’d now be sitting at Sark’s desk, and where would Sark be? But no, it didn’t happen.

The fickle finger of fate…

That Coach Riley, like Mora he’s after one of our local kids. One of my Fife boys Kaleb McGary, and McGary is said to like Corvallis, that country living and all. Of course, most the country is after Kaleb, but still, I’m starting to not like this Riley character even more. Then he’s got this cool and collected side line demeanor about him, and then ya’ got Sark with his ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look.

Nah, actually Sark has this “Oh shoot! What’s gonna happen next’ look.

I know the look all too well, it’s the same look I wear while watching UW games on the TV…

So what’s gonna happen come Saturday night in Corvallis? This could very well be coach Sark’s most important game to date. And this time we mean it…Some say Coach Sark’s coaching seat is getting hot, lose in Corvallis and I think we’ll see sparks. Lose the following week and I do believe we’ll be looking at flames…But one game at a time fellas. Will the Dawgs come out hungry and be Beaver beaters? Or will Lucy pull the ball?

With this bunch ya’ never can tell, but that’s why we play the game…

Stay tuned…

I’m seeing a game winning field-goal, possibly overtime.

Dawgs 31, Beavs 28.

GO DAWGS!!

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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