This is Officer Lee Groinman. That’s Right, Washington’s Most Bemused Cop…

The Halloween Game vs. Arizona…Demon’s Exorcised…

Some of you may remember, perhaps you were even in attendance, as I was when Arizona pulled off the ‘flip by the lake’, or the ‘flop’ depending on your preference…Then last year, in Tucson Arizona, that last minute fumble, and then a 47 yard field goal by Arizona to win the game….

Now I’ve kinda’ gotten over the ‘flip by the lake’ game, as I was still a young man back then, but I gotta tell ya’….

Last year’s ‘fumble the win away’ game in Tucson still haunts me…nightmarish….

I remember waking up on the couch in the next morning’s am. Still thinkin’ it was some sorta’ nightmare. I was still doin’ my own thinkin’ when I hit the rewind button on the TV’s DVR and then hit the replay…

It was then that I saw that Deontae Cooper’s fumble was actually real…too real….

C’mon Man!!

But what ya’ gonna do? What now? What up now??

Well, a good, or die-hard Dawg fan would have shown up for this year’s Arizona game…just a thought…

But I heard all the excuses…

“It’s Halloween, I need to take the kids ‘trick or treating’”

“It’s the opening of Elk season!!”

“I need to go fed the elk…”

“It’s my neighbor’s kid’s soccer game.”

C’mon Man!!

Now I remember Halloween, I would rub some Vaseline on my chops, then take a handful of coffee grounds to my face, grab my cap, and boom! I’m a bum….Mom would then hand me an old pillow case and I was off to fill the pillow case with goodies with my neighbor homies!! They were ‘bums’ too…

We Trick or Treated with effort, no mommies or daddies needed...

So our ‘mommies and daddies’ never came with us! Where was the fun in that kind of nonsense??

Holy Crapes…

I can still remember Adam Applebee from my youth back in Fife, Washington. Adam, dressed in his skin tight black jeans, black tee-shirt, black boots, and black slicked back hair, the weirdo…

Adam, ya’ see had this 1938 black Cadillac Hearse. He would drive that gawd-awful rattle-trap around, all by himself, or so we thought, or so we hoped on Halloween night…Adam was just trying to scare the puddin’ out of us younger kids, and he had just gotten back from Vietnam, our country had just gotten back from the moon, so what he had going on in back of that Hearse was to us younger kids…magnetic...

We we’re never sure if Adam had a ‘paying customer’ in the back of that Hearse or not.

But us boys had no mercy on that Adam Applebee or his hearse…

Adam’s Hearse had a squeak you could hear for a mile….we would hear that squeak, then run back into some neighbor’s chicken coop to load up on some ammunition…maybe some eggs if we were lucky. With some luck we would ambush Adam’s Hearse from behind a hedge or a tree, then let Adam the creep have it…Adam hated that…

The attack on his Hearse….game on….

And besides, us guys were already coated in chicken soup from the chicken coop…Somehow, if one guy got coated into the chicken soup, it became magnetic, just like a garden hose next to a basketball hoop…

It’s great to be a guy….

So our folks never knew that we were being chased by a creep in a ’38 hearse on Halloween night, and then that we egged the sum-bitch…This went on for years, all thru those glory years....

Yup, being coated in chicken soup from the chicken coop, why there was no better way to freak out the girls who were out trick or treating, all without their parents escorts mind you. Equal rights came early in Fife, Washington...

Those Fife girls. They might still be spooky, but not maybe as creepy as Adam Applebee…

As the years went by, the Fife girls got more attention…Adam and his hearse? He might be, or he could be in Commencement Bay, just off the mouth of the Puyallup River...

So where was I? Oh yeah…

My favorite announcer for Husky games now? Hands down… Petros Papadakis…

On Arizona’s opening drive, the pass interference call on “35, Brian Clay? The best defensive play by a UW secondary player in nearly two decades. The Pac-12 official/clown calls it a defensive pass interference, and gives Arizona the automatic first down….

A blown call, by a perfect defensive play, wiped out a potential shut-out…

Petros Papadakis comment on the call?

“That, that, that was weak…”

But now I gotta tell ya’ this Dawg fans…

As much as it pains me to tell ya’ this, you leathered up Dawg fans, I do fear that many Dawg fans aren’t up to the challenge, not tough enough….wimpy??

Not the toughest tool in the shed??

Now when I walk into my row at Husky Stadium, the section goes silent...They want to sense my mood…I mean, not many folk are built to the rigors of sitting next to Officer Lee Groinman…

Especially when I tell them that all games are winnable, as they have been all year….You’d think every ‘fan’ in my Husky section was a dawgman.com subscriber….

Lord Help Us….

Speaking of that silence effect that I can have on the crowd. I can have that effect on any crowd, especially with the women folk…but more on the women folk later…

Speakin’ of Husky fans not being the toughest tool in the shed….

So here we are, after the blow-out win against Arizona. All Arizona demon’s thusly exorcised…

All good??

So I nearly make to my seat for last Saturday’s snot-locker with Arizona. My bud a few rows up yells down at me; Hey Bud! Ya’ made it!” Snoqualmie pass was like a river, or a waterfall, maybe it was Snoqualmie falls?

I GOT nowhere ELSE to BE!!”

My other Husky Stadium neighbor, the fella that sits to my left, his name is John. John informs me like this;

“Lee, I’ll see ya’ against Utah, we’ll then be giving up our Apple Cup tickets to our neighbor’s cousins daughter! We watched her play soccer as a kid, and now she is graduating from WSU!! She’s never been to an Apple Cup before, we thought it would be the perfect gift!!”

John, my Husky neighbor is smilin’ like a buffoon…like he wants me to hug him for his gracious behavior…

Like he wants to be honored at the next UW’s pre-game honoring festivity....honored for his ‘sportsmanship’…hey, now don’t give the UW marketing staff any ideas….

Honor him? I’m torn between tearing out John’s tonsils, or just adjusting his nasal passages….

“Lord forgive them for they know not what they do…”

My Husky neighbor John, just put a cougar fan, and her date, Apple Cup tickets, and placed them both, right next me…

Officer Lee Groinman….

C’mon Man!! C’mon!!

Not the toughest tool in the shed….mercy….

Come Monday, after the UA game, I came across Maria at work, she owes me some favors as I’ve been nearly selling her Harley, twice or maybe three times now ...Maria has been pretty cool, as she’s a UW Alumni, always wanting to know if I can get her a ‘deal’ on tickets...I never scored her a ticket, but I did land her a free Husky tee-shirt, and she is a UW alumni…

Maria, the Husky alumni….Here she goes now…

“Hey Lee!! I got my Husky-Utah tickets!!”

“So you going early Maria?”

“Oh you bet Lee!!”

“So you’ll be wearing the UW “Purple Power” shirt I got you??”

“Oh no Lee, my son Randy goes to Utah…he bought me a Utah shirt!!”

“I Think I look good in red!!”

C’Mon Man!!!

C’Mon...

Nobody looks good in red, especially in Husky Stadium…

Tool’s in the shed….

Fool’s in the Zone….

Lord Help Us….

But the Dawg’s will put out the Ute’s. The corner has been cornered…The Seahawks have a bye…

And maybe more than the 40 thousand or so die-hard Husky fans that saw the Arizona exorcism will actually take notice, and maybe take in the Utah game, maybe, but it might rain….or your neighbors kid might have a soccer game…

GO DAWGS!!  BE THERE!!

It’s starting….all cylinders firing…

Purple Haze…

C’mon MAN!!

 

 

 

 

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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