This is Officer Lee Groinman. That’s Right, Probably Washington’s Sorest Cop…

Now Ice and snow can do that to ya’…Merry Christmas…

What a week it was, holy crapes... I was running down to the Post Office on Monday mornin’ to mail off some Christmas presents, what with Snoqualmie Pass being closed more than open lately, and the one lane disaster known as White Pass, well The Groinman clan all stayed home this year…we punted....

So I pull into the Post Office parking lot with my ol’ ’96 Dodge Blaster diesel pickup, the sturdy 4-wheel drive one that folks generally try to avoid, or at least not make much eye contact with. My Alaskan Malamute, Bella, riding shotgun…actually it’s Bella’s truck, she just lets me drive it from time to time. It’s her rolling bedroom, don’t cha’ know…

Now we had gotten another 6 inches of snow on top of the four we already had. That’s nearly a foot of snow, you can do the math…

I had gotten the packages out of the passenger door, all loaded up I am, when Bella got a whiff of all that new snow, she’d already seen it of course, but with a dawg’s sense of smell, and being malamute, it was just a temptation that the Bella couldn’t resist…

She bolts from her hunched position, knocking packages out of my hands, I’m nearly down to my knees in 10 inches of snow, I try to make a desperate tackle on the explosive Bella, but with her breakaway speed I come up with only one foot and a bit of tail. She’s gone, untouched the rest of the way, no doubt a TD…

I saw her juke around the back of the post office, the chase is on. I’m a good runner, at least I was in school, and still do 5 miles a day. I can run her down, surely she’ll stop after 100 yards or so, her TD…

She takes another left, she runs thru the bank’s drive-thru tellers. I’m catching her now, as she stops to pee. She smelling that chute thing at the bank, she knows that doggie-treats come out of that thing, all the time!

I’ve almost got her, she’s still at the drive thru teller, smelling the chute tube…I slip a bit as I nearly get to her collar, ‘nearly’ being the key word…Bella throws it back down into 4-wheel drive and is back on the run. The chase continues, I almost had her, missed her by that much…time to suck it back up, another sprint in 10 inches of snow, it now feels like a foot and a half. The bank loud speakers come to life, a female voice says;

“Mister is that your dog? She sure is pretty!”

About a mile later I saw Bella turn into the Red Apple parking lot. Maybe she’ll walk into the store looking for hand-outs, I can only hope. Seems I’m no match for a 4-wheeled drive malamute in this snow, she’s in her element, and I’m gassed...

I make it to the Red Apple parking lot and the store. There’s no Bella. She’s broke contact. She’s gone.

I get back to the post office and the Dodge blaster, hoping she’d already be there, laughing at me, as she had won the race. But no. I drop off the packages and drive around, looking, just looking.

I head back home to make some lost dawg flyers. As I printed the last one out there was the horn of the UPS truck, just perfect. I walk out to sign and there’s the UPS man with Bella!

“I knew this was your dog, Lee, caught her running down Second Avenue. She couldn’t resist the doggie-treats…hopped right into the truck, like always…”

“Thanks, man! Merry Christmas!”

Bella was placed under immediate house arrest, right by the fireplace…

Now on Christmas Eve, the mail lady was late. On payday, banks already closed…

“You’re late” I said as I met her at the box, she, wearing her Santa hat…

“I got stuck twice in this snow!”

“You need to learn to drive better in this snow!”

“You’re just mean.”

“No I’m Grumpy.”

“You own “Grumpy’s Guns?”

“I wish.” “But then you would have had all your guns stolen in that theft”.

“Oh yeah, well, there is that….Merry Christmas…”

Well on Christmas I had to run down to 7-11, oh thank heaven, needed some whipping cream, bank still closed, can do that Saturday…Home from 7-11, I notice that the Dodge blaster truck had sprung a leak, a good one. I had got the beer, but forgot the whipping cream. Now I needed antifreeze. You think I’m going all the back to 7-11 for just whipping cream??

Merry Christmas!

So I spent most of Christmas on a cold garage floor, under a Dodge….no games on anyway. And a cold garage floor will do wonders for your aching body…Merry Christmas…

So now it’s finally Saturday. Game day…I had taken this day off to watch the game and go to the bank to get whipping cream…

The line to the teller was a long one, they must be having a sale. I got the cute teller. Funny how I do that…

“Good Morning Sir! And how was your Christmas?”

I says “It’s a Wonderful Life, and don’t you feel guilty for taking yesterday off?”

“Well no, maybe just a little, I’ll probably get over it…”

“Just be sure you make all those group therapy ‘guilt sessions’, otherwise it could led you into Anger Management.”

“Oh. I’ll do that!” She smiles and asks with a giggle; “Now is there anything else I can do for you today?”

“You got any whipping cream?”

I’m now done. Bella’s in the Dodge truck watching me walk across the parking lot. The sun is shining brightly and its game day. It is a Wonderful Life…

The sun is warm, up to 18 degrees now….that sun has melted some ice, a fine sheen of water over ice. Water over ice is as slick as goat’s grease, and with that my feet and legs go crossways and I land on my right hip, flat on my back, in the middle of the lot. But I landed on my right hip. My new gun, a Smith & Wesson 9mm Shield, must have broken the fall…

Yup, must have been my lucky day….and that frozen pavement on ice will do wonders for your aching body…but at least I don’t own “Grumpy’s Guns….”

Merry Christmas!!

I get in the Dodge, Bella lifts her paw to ‘high five’ me. Yup, almost game time. Huskies in Dallas, the coug in El Paso. Love it. The coug game will be on at my house. In the unheated garage and on the old box type TV…

I predict pain for Southern Miss in Dallas. This Husky ‘D’ is gonna continue to roll. The offense has grown up. Gonna be fun to watch, more than a few times…I see the coug pulling out a win too, in El Paso against Miami. But I don’t care all that much either way…

Yup, at my house, to watch the coug, you gotta go to an unheated garage and watch it on an ol’ box type TV….and that unheated garage will do wonders for your aching body…

Come on Bella! Time to go home! Game time!!

Click,,,cliccccccckkkkk

The Dodge…dead batteries….

GO DAWGS!!

  

 

Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com

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